My biggest triggers for myself are my past and how I looked/didn’t try at all and was always a “tomboy.” Like I look at myself in pictures and think I knew then and looked gay. Then at the same time I get thoughts “you didn’t know in your past because you didn’t have a boyfriend until you were 19” like I only think I’m gay now because I get rocd like thoughts in relationships as well. Also, sexual stuff. I have always been super aroused and wanted to get off to lesbians kissing, porn, erotica, fantasy, etc. that was my go to. I get more aroused thinking of that than straight sex and makes me feel like I would rather want it with a girl because of the stronger response. Like I would enjoy it more with a girl than a guy and only don’t want to because of suppression type things. I have no desire at all to try or do anything with a woman at all, but these are my biggest hurdles. I’m making scripts about it, looptapes, and even started to watch certain tv shows I know have these scenes in the show but I still can’t bring that fear down and it’s always there. I don’t know what else I can do? Patience? It feels like I can’t get over it because I am certain/convinced I’m gay now.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Whatabtme

Date posted: 4y

As a fellow SOOCD and rocd sufferer, I can relate a lot. I consider myself attracted to women as well, although I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend. The way we are attracted to different genders is completely different for everyone and even for bisexual or pansexual people, these levels of attraction dont have to be evenly split. Often they arent. I'm not implying you are any certain sexuality, just giving perspective that sexuality can be very complex. Focus on leaning into the uncertainty rather than trying to figure out your exact sexual orientation. Also, good on doing exposures! Keep doing them, regardless of how they make you feel and it will help, along with patience. OCD doesnt just disappear nor do its symptoms. We just learn to manage it better over time.

Corie

Date posted: 4y

Thank you! It’s so rough, it just feels like hard proof or evidence even if I have zero interest in it but my mind tells me I do all the time which makes it feel so real and then with the rocd it makes it seem like even more hard evidence, I’m sure you can relate. I’ve been doing well with uncertainty and not engaging with them/keeping away from rumination today though so that’s good.

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