Having bad relationship/ jealous based ocd My husband recently lost his son that he raised with his ex since he was 3, the son committed suicide last month. The ex is also engaged. However they have been reunited and have a friendship now and communication on and off these passed month and a half and I’m starting to feel really insecure to the point where he doesn’t tell me certain things because he feels like I will get upset because I freak out on him. He said he considers her family and that I need to accept that but I’m ruminating on this and feel like he doesn’t love me. I’m 8 weeks pregnant and he just bought us a house but my thoughts are spiraling out of control , what do I do?

I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.

I found out more information about my husbands past and my brain is like what if you can’t handle it. What if you never loved him. And it keeps picking out flaws about him. My brain keeps trying to get the connection back but I’m very dissociated. I try to not do mental compulsions. But I feel like everything I’ve done is compulsive all my life. This is the hardest crash I’ve had with OCD in 15 years. I found out info after we got married that wasn’t a dealbreaker at all. But it went against my irrational beliefs I guess you could say. But I try to explain OCD to my husband and it’s hard to just “get over” stuff. He is a great person and kind and I know that editing the relationship the retroactive jealously and same things would apply. This only happens when I get really close to somebody. And ocd wants perfection. How have people gotten over this with very severe ocd with legit every theme? Especially with no emotions and constant anxiety. I also don’t work or anything. OCD has crippled me. But this is the worst theme I’ve had in a long time and it hit me 2 weeks ago. The thoughts keep looping in my head and all I feel is anxiety. I don’t want to hurt our relationship. I am feeling really guilty about myself too. And trying to run towards the anxiety. But it’s all consuming. 24/7. Plus other life stressors. I try to distract and I try to do other things. But I’m not even here. This isn’t his fault at all and it’s an internal battle. I also have shit self esteem. I confessed some of the thoughts to him even. Which is a no no. 😞

I’ve been having a hard time literally for the last month. I’m getting married in a few months and I keep hyperfixating over my fiancés old friends. Specially this one friend who used to be my fiancés inseparable childhood friend since age 5. We are originally from Minnesota and we moved to Chicago 3 years exactly at the same time my fiancés childhood friend moved to Chicago as well although they lost touch. My fiancé has never been an initiator and they are not close anymore. My fiancé says he doesn’t care but I’m not so sure I believe that. We invited him to our wedding because I think its important to be inclusive. I’ve always felt intimated by his friend because his career is way more far advanced than mine and he is very social. For the last month I’ve been maladaptive daydreaming different scenarios that my fiancé and I have a relationship with him and his gf. I feel like I have to prove myself to him and I’m feeling so much anxiety about him coming to the wedding if he comes or doesn’t come that I will have rejection sensitive dysphoria. A big component is jealousy because the friend has 3 brothers and my brother died 7 years ago. So part of my rumination’s is daydreaming that he and his brothers are my brothers since I feel so lonely. His youngest brother is/was the same age as my brother and friends with these kids who really trigger me because I wanted my brother to be normal and friends with them. We saw him today and now I can’t stop thinking and ruminating and feeling a multitude of feelings and I can’t ground myself. Would love to know if anyone is experiencing something similar. I feel so embarrassed.