I feel completely terrible , I cannot sleep I cannot eat I cannot function. I’m thinking on going in patient for the first time and stay there . I cannot lice with my thoughts . I just recently had a baby. I have always have bad thoughts and rituals but this time is different . I was scrolling down the news and I saw this news of a mother killing her 3 kids and ever since then I am scared of harming my own kids . I can’t even think all day because all o have is panic attacks. I am so scared of acting on my thoughts . I don’t want too have these thoughts . Now I feel like I do not deserve to live anymore because I am a threat to my kids and they deserve a better life and a better mother . I am so lost in my mind and so scared of being crazy. I’m sooo scared of having something worst than ocd . I question all day long why I’m having this thoughts and I do ritual after ritual to get rid of it . And the frustration of the thought not going away is making me suicidal . I don’t know what to do and I feel lost please someone help me

I can see that your OCD is really strong right now and you’re feeling very anxious and distressed. I understand how hard it can be to live with these thoughts and it can be really scary sometimes. Try to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re not in danger, you’re just feeling uncertainty and anxiety. It sounds like you’re spending a lot of your time ruminating on your intrusive thoughts, I do this a lot too! Next time you notice that you’re ruminating, try to gently pull yourself out of it and refocus your attention to something else. You’re so strong and you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid, but they’re not always reliable. They’re just something you’re experiencing, not something you are, they don’t mean anything. I recommend therapy, of course, but I understand if that isn’t an option right now. If you can’t do therapy right now, there are YouTube videos, articles, social media accounts, books, podcasts, etc that may be able to help you start feeling better. Check out Chrissie Hodges on YouTube, she has helped me so much. And remember you can do this, you’re stronger than you believe. I hope some of these resources can help you, and if you need advice or just need to vent, we’re all here for you.

I have had this same Ocd, felt like I actually wanted too. Urges were strong and I was convinced it was bound to happen any second. But Everytime my therapist would have me pick up an object that could harm my dog etc, it was really an urge to put it down I hated it. It’s all fear based. I couldn’t get out of bed for weeks, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep it was the worst time I ever had in my life and I thought I didn’t deserve to live either. It is actually the complete opposite of wanting to , you are so fearful because you care deeply about your kids. We are the last people actually capable of doing these things. Not trying reassurance but sounds like you need to hear these things so you don’t feel alone. It’s like when you look over a bridge and feel an urge to jump for some reason, it’s not that you want to jump but it’s a rush of adrenaline and fear thinking “what if I jumped” you’re ok . You’re not a crazy person