Anyone here had rocd for a very long time close to a year with no breaks no waves but constant? I feel alone. Hurting... 😔 Just need to feel less alone and if you've overcame that or it got better. I haven't ever had clarity or a break.

I tried. Apparently I don't do enough 'compulsions' I ruminate all day long. Feeling check and check forums most part of the day in hope of finding some reassuring comment. :/

@francine i do this too and i have no clue how to stop

@🤎 Right? And often I don't get relief from it anymore. Therapist said mine is more obsessive. Well or course it is because I've been doing it consistently obsessively on daily basis for 9 months. We're not alone. I just want us all to get thru this.

@francine Yeaa mental compulsions are very common with rocd as you know. Have you noticed what your triggers and obsessions are ? I also used to go on a lot of forums just to see if anyone was feeling the same way i did so you’re not alone here.

@francine are you still with your partner? and i don’t get relief anymore either. it’s kind of just a constant state of checking how i’m feeling

@🤎 Still with him. Had an impulsive urge and break moment but I can't keep away. I'm literally just living in hope. I've had this months on end and no deep down clarity moments. It hurts I swear 😭 I don't wanna fucking let go I just wanna get thru it but I feel utterly powerless. I wanna keep going.i feel if this random day of intrusive thoughts never occurred to me then endless rumination, I would have not felt this way and just been in the present moment w him

@Anonymous Right? And two therapist said to me they feel I wasn't doing any behaviours to release anxiety. But thing is I was months into this by then. Nothing felt like relief anymore. I have a friend daily who I write to to seek reassurance from and tell me it'll be OK and confess my thoughts and it gives tiny dots of relief that's it. And the other stuff I wrote you. But dayum! If I do acceptance practise I feel its real. If the random day when these first thoughts came then the doubts and rumination, I would have been fucking fine and enjoyed my relationship. Sorry for my language BTW! Just. You know? :/ I feel like I'm triggered or obsessed by everything mostly the doubts in my head I obsess over that I don't love him and there's no hope etc /:(

@francine Okay sooo first things first....let’s try and cut out the reassurance seeking. It helps for 2 seconds but makes it soo much worse in the long run. As for the whole acceptance thing...yes it seems scary because it feels like it’s real BUT you don’t need to agree or accept the thoughts that come in your head. Just accept that they are there and there could be a chance they’re true or not. It’s all about accepting the uncertainty and training your brain that there’s nothing to be afraid of. OCD has a way of taking everything you care about away from you and our job is to not let it. If you want to stay with your boyfriend then do that. By making a choice you’re telling the ocd to go fuck itself. But other than just staying in your relationship you need to realize your triggers and obsessive thoughts and come up with different exercises to practice through ERP. now you don’t need a therapist to practice this (makes it easier obviously) but you have us and I’d you have any questions on what to do you can just ask. It’s hard but you can get through it. One day at a time ❤️

@francine im so so sorry you’re going through this. it’s the absolute worst because i can’t accept the thoughts i have to disprove them. if i accept them then they feel true and that’s the last thing in the world i want. i know what you mean by it’s been so long nothing really feels like relief. it’s been over a year for me and it feels so normal yet still so scary now. i feel like therapy hasn’t really helped me enough because i don’t think i have as many compulsions either besides rumination and checking. we’re gonna get through it though we have to push through.

@Anonymous Thank you so so so much. I honestly appreciate this a lot because after all these long months I've felt so alone and helpless honestly. I have cut out compulsions before and obsessively checking forums, whilst I felt better because I wasn't plagued by that and doing some ACT my thoughts would go a bit but that dull feeling of off and not being right was still there. My issue doing this is I genuinely accept them as they're true. I don't know how not to because I don't have clarity and for me I feel this thing has just convinced me so I can't get out. That really frightens me. Do u have any tips on how u can do it again? Cos I'm ready to start. I just feel so sad and worry I've ruined it for myself. With my obsessions or triggers how do I find them when I feel I can't pin point them? I jsut feel constantly like I'm not in love and lying to myself and of course all sorts of thoughts around that 'what if you need to let this go to grow' etc etc and 1 billion more haha!! Seriously thank you so much. Sorry for my slow response i got caught up with some stuff. I also worry about the timing of my life because I have many issues and things I need to resolve which I'm hoping I can do and radical changes by July time. It feels too much. And then our relationship like any has some issues and my mental health issues rocd has made it so fucked up when we could have gotten thru many things before this fucker. :( huge hugs ❤️

@🤎 I hear you, and I'm so sorry your also going thru this. Damn we don't deserve this. I've been dealing with this for 9 months straight each day. I hear what you're saying. I started doing that acceptance thing and sometimes it felt automatic due to overload of stress then I obsess more! Haha. But it's so hard af to do cos it feels like ur accepting it as real then u feel more convinced etc! I already feel convinced that's why I actually don't know what I want and it kills me. All I can say is, I want to want it and to somehow overcome this. I've got other issues and challenges I need to resolve in my life and hoping by summer I make those radical changes that have long been needed (nothing to do with this relationship) but then my mind is like you're not ready etc and it's so stressful. We are not alone. We are gonna get thru this. We are so hyoerfocused and it feels so normal because of how long its gone on due to the intense anxiety latching on and generating all these negative feelings and making us convinced. But we are gonna get thru this. What else do you do to try and cope? ❤️

@francine I hear you hunny. I know what you’re going through and it sucks i know! I was able to pinpoint my triggers and obsessions because of the amount of anxiety the thoughts brought me and obviously the compulsions that came with it. If the thought was true we wouldn’t be so anxious about it we’d just know what we’d have to do ya know what i mean? In this relationship I’m in now my thoughts didn’t match up with the way i actually felt towards him. I woke up one morning with the thought “you don’t actually love him you’re lying to him and yourself” (this was the start of everything) so for months i didn’t know what the hell to do so i would google EVERYTHING. Like “how do you know you’re in the perfect relationship” or “how do you know it’s love and not lust” also taking quizzes all the time to see if i was actually in love. Also my compulsions consisted of telling my boyfriend every thought i had about not loving him and whatnot and asking my friends for advice. Through my extensive research i came across ROCD and a weight was lifted off my shoulders once i started therapy. Now when i have those thoughts even though they seem sooo true in the moment i just simply agree that the thought may or may not be true and i sit with that anxiety. We’re all looking for some type of perfection but at the end of the day nooone and nothing is at all close to being perfect. Accept the uncertainty that this may not be forever. It may be or may not be but all we can do is stay in the present because anxiety lives in the past and the future and it’ll eat us up ! Just keep pushing through. As an example for erp....i took my obsessive thought “i don’t love him” and i would make a recording of myself saying it and i would listen to it over and over again until my brain got bored. Also watching shows of happy relationships triggered me so i would use that as an exercise. I would sit and watch and train yourself not to perform mental compulsions as you do so. When you feel your brain start to wonder just agree that the thought is there and it may be true it may be not. Just try and not allow your brain to spiral in the thought. Articles too can help if you find one that relates to you and your thoughts. Alsoo if you’re looking at forums and stuff do that but try and practice looking at these forums for information as if you were going to use it in an essay or for advice for a friend or something. Try not to compare yourself and use it and apply it to your relationship and yourself. I hope this made sense I’m soo sorry for the long message lol

@Anonymous Don't apologise! I enjoyed reading that and it was very helpful. I worry I always feel like the odd case and don't get better. But I know I need to do this more. I feel sick if I expose myself I get more obsessed and just feel i validate it as truth. And thank you for explaining your triggers and compulsions so it can give me a clearer idea. I get so much brain dog with this and in general! My partner has his flaws and me mine but before this thing it never bothered me at all and I loved growing closer and closer. We are ldr and before our first meet after half a year of daily connection just two weeks before I fucking got this. Hit me out the blue!! "what if you don't love him, what if he loves you more, what if he isn't the one, do you really see him as the future and I vision a life with him?" omg. It killed me. Before that I was fucking fine. I was so excited and happy. So ofc this bullshit was with me on our first meet because two weeks before I obsessed and felt I ws going insane and that this was seriously wrong or I had this weird awakening moment but u was so happy before. Now my mind uses this against me as you could imagine and it hurt so much. I just wanna be in the present with him and meet more soon when things open up even if it's scary for me. I want to be in the present cos I no that's where connection is build and felt and anxiety wanes. It's just the constant feeling checking omfg and or feeling bored or frustration and disconnected. Issue with me my thoughts and feels have fucking convinced me and I worry its too late cos so much change and newness too. The fact that it was becoming proper and I've not had that before. Official it really triggered all this shit off. Was totally unexpected too! I could cry that it happened when it did. I googled too until I found the rocd info and all and I still do this with my bf I keep confessing to him obsessively every thought and wanting us to get thru it and wanting him to understand so I feel this deep bond with him like before ughhhh jesus man. And when he expresses his love for me he's really close and grows deeper in love it triggers the heck out of me. I've hurt him a lot with my obsessions and breakup urges and blocking and shit. Asking friends for advice is my other one and mostly just ruminating in my head and looking hoping for a comment in a forum that makes me feel like it's gonna be OK and that's similar to me. So I've literally got to start practising again letting these feelings n thoughts enter without getting stuck and obsessing over them? Let them flow thru right. I no this may sound silly but can u advise me on how I can sit with the anxiety? I've always struggled with this one. Even without any of this rocd stuff when people say to sit with emotions or sit with anxiety. Any advise how that looks? Sorry I know that sounds silly it's jsut when I try I really feel strange and like I can't or I just go numb everytime I try. Thank you so much for this ❤️

Thank you so so much. I had fallen asleep yesterday and must have needed it!! I am going to really start doing that. Especially sitting with that anxiety and avoiding any compulsion or distraction to show it I'm not afraid of it eventually because I really really want to get better. I want to me again. I want to work on this and get better he's never once given up on me. I suppose sitting with the anxiety will be like kinda breathing it in, feeling into those sensations it makes us feel without obsessively thinking/ruminating right? I'm gonna do this. I will also avoid telling him omg this is one biggest one I haven't been able to stop cos I feel it brings us closer even tho it just causes upset or confusion sometimes. Because I crave feeling 'better' and feel if it's kept well drift and want us to feel a sorta healing and bonding together. Ha. Gosh this thing!! Thank you so so much for this honestly it's meant a lot to me. Hugs! ❤️🤗

Thank you so much for being so supportive to me. I really appreciate this a lot and am going to take on all of this advice and put it into practise because I want to get through this. Sending big hugs! Thank you ❤️🤗

@francine and if you need anything else you can just comment in this post ! Gooodluck to youu ❤️

@Anonymous Thank you so much! Will do 🤗❤️