- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm very sorry you're going through this. Please please please find some way to ground yourself. You don't deserve to be going through this.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Deer I'm gonna try
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Deer We're here for you.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@☔gH0St🌂 I rly appreciate it its scary but having people rly helps
- Date posted
- 4y ago
No problem no problem, please take all the time you need to care for yourself. It will be easier to sort your thoughts out when you're calmer.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Well from what I gather out of this, you were 17 and you roleplayed with the intent to have fun and it's not like you specifically wanted to find someone who was massively younger than you. The 20 year old dude I'm more concerned about more than you are because he's way over the age of 18 in a chat that does involve minors. I remember when I was 16 I made friends with this girl but I don't remember her age. I assume we were the same age or we were around the same age because I remember we talked a lot and we were friends and we had a lot of inside jokes we would share. For some reason she sent me a link to adult content once and that was weird but other than that we were friends but I get false memories if she was way younger or if I did something worse but I know I didn't. I don't want to make this about me but maybe I was trying to put in perspective of things. The fact that you worry so much about this shows that it's OCD and you shouldn't try to sit there figuring it out all night. You were a minor after all. Your 19 now, just like me. I doubt you would engage in RP like that. And if you do, that's still fine honestly. As long as it's fully consensual and you know everything you need to about the person that agreed with it. Even I'm ok with occasional roleplay and I only do it with like one close friend for fun. I think you're fine and this doesn't make you a p
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you. I didn't think I did anything sexual either since I don't like that stuff but I don't think I'd be comfortable w the fact that I'd rp a romantic relationship w someone 14 or below at that age and just not say no instead. I'm gonna try to live w the uncertainty tho that I'm never rly gonna know. Also for that 20 something person. His shit is public knowledge now so he's usually kicked from most minor spaces as far as I know
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Deer Also I wish u luck on your own real event. I dont think it sounds like anything bad would happen or it would b ur fault but I get it's scary
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Deer Well look at it like this: You aren't that 20 year old guy and it could be worse. That sicko is on a literal watchlist in the roleplay community and people are ready to out him if he's seen talking with a minor. That's gotta be a lot of pressure on a person, and I would never want that for anybody like us. That's if he even cares or not, especially if he's still doing what he did here. Thanks for the supportive messages. I don't ruminate it as much as I used to but it has gotten me to cry a few times. It's just stupid things I've done in my teen years and trauma from pornography. I'm always happy to report that I engage with none of these things any longer in my life and I have no reason to go back. That does make me happy to repeat, because it feels like an accomplishment, know what I mean? But since I have OCD simply, it's still there.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Amino is a +13 (maybe +12?) App for fanbases and I remember the thing being for a cartoon I liked at the time. Which worries me more because that increases the likelihood of it being someone 14 or below. Though I do remember meeting a few people older than me there and a lot of the fandom was older at times. I remember I was friends w who I think was a 14 year old that I roleplayed w but it was never anything romantic or sexual it was just characters from the show or that we made up who were family members growing up together and maybe a bit of drama. Please tell me if any of this is like weird and if it is what should I do abt it
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w ago
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Very brief mentions of pocd and nsfw jokes,id like this to be adults only . Repost bc i had to edit something Does anyone have experience with real event ocd attached to your online footprint etc? I keep checking old messages,trying to find old people i knew i used to talk to etc. To find out every problematic thing I did and if I've ever been unfollowed or blocked by anyone I used to be friends w online/atleast on good terms w. I am particularly concerned abt doing something bigoted,esp racist bc i have racism ocd,and doing something predatory bc of my pocd. I remember hanging around people who could use 'edgy' or offensive humour in my teens and i remember a lot of sex jokes and that i would join in on sex jokes sometimes . i dont remember details w the offensive humour as much,i feel like i didnt join in on it as much but i was definitely WAY passive abt things and prob let a lot of bad stuff slide i shouldnt have bc i didn't speak up it was wrong,I remember one friend in an online community would say slurs and horrible jokes when i was 16. I dont remember my response to it as much but i feel i didnt speak up abt it aside one time i found in the dms where he made a bad joke on a thing i shared for social justice. I cant stop going thru old messages and stuff or trying to find ppl from the past. I feel like if I don't check it now,that eventually it'll come to haunt me or that I'll stumble across it eventually. I worry what if someone messaged me on one of these apps I un-installed or on one of the accounts I don't have access to,confronting me abt all this stuff I did. I had an obsession w this back in 2020 and did check in depth on all my accounts,but now that it's been 4 years the obsession is back in full swing.
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