Does anyone else who has had ocd for quite a while doubt what their ocd used to be like? So ive had the same obsession for over 4 years and it got a lot worse the last year and a half but i feel like im faking having it before i found out about ocd and now im using it as an excuse to stay in denial.. and i feel like i cant remember what it actually used to be like and cant tell if im making things up or not. Its so confusing 😭 i know i should accept the uncertainty but i hate it and keep ruminating anyway and then feel guilty..

Its definitely exhausting! Thank you and hope you start feeling better soon ❤️

me too but since i was 14/15 and it got so much worse around this time last year. Hope youre doing better now ❤️

@Winter Omg thank you but actually I am like two weeks past my lowest point ever so I am not better but we are working on it!!! HOCD wants to steal everything I am and my joy and I just don’t want to let it. This is my life, not OCD’s you know.

@NOCD4me@123 Keep fighting! I had my lowest point in months a few days ago so i get you, its hard to keep going sometimes but itll be worth it! ❤️

Yep exactly!

Thank you and i am trying to do that. I had two days of doing okay and then spiralled again tonight but thank you for letting me know. Sometimes it feels like it helps to realise youre not the only one because its so isolatibg but i know thats just reassurance and i should stop. Hope youre doing okay ❤️

@Winter I still have all the doubt and fear. And I have my triggers that still pop up. But lately I've been fighting back. By not fighting. I've been doing my ERP and going to the gym everyday doing my exposures. I give the thoughts acknowledgement but not attention. I accept them because they are mine but they don't define me. So yeah I'm doing better but I still have work to do.

@Jbm421 Thats amazing, well done!

Oh no, im so sorry. Are you okay?

@Winter Not really. The intrusive thoughts really bugged me alot yesterday and then I triggered in the gym. By the time I got home I was already mentally exhausted but between my mom's health issues and speaking to my bro about relationships, I broke down.

@Winter ...and the most distressing of all, I cant feel a damn thing for females. Cant dream, fantasize or plan a future. Fml...

@Jbm421 That sounds really difficult. Its okay to have bad days but it sucks. Stay strong ❤️ I know what you mean, i cant tell the difference between false and real attraction anymore and i hate it..

@Winter Here's the thing. I both can and can't tell. I can't tell because of the feelings especially following a trigger. But I can tell because I would never do anything because I only want and look at chicks like that. But then my mind ruins females for me so that's how it tricks me.

@Jbm421 Yeah i know what you mean, its really hard. the only way to get better is to stop trying to figure these things out and accept the uncertainty but it is really difficult. We’ll get there though eventually :)

@Winter What really irritates me is when a certain person triggers me when you know it would not be triggering under normal circumstances but it's one of the strongest triggers you have...😫😫😫😫

@Jbm421 Yes absolutely! Its like ocd latches onto a specific person even though you know you dont like them it just constantly questions it anyway!

@Winter ...and the shame that comes along with it, the way it kills my positive energy for women, its ridiculous. Every other trigger will take a backseat but this one false attraction will come to the forefront but then I got triggered in the gym last night and suddenly that one false attraction was nothing. But now it's back a little bit. Its exhausting.

@Jbm421 Yeah i get you, exhausting is an understatement. Feels like you constantly have to analyse people and check your reaction. It will get better though i promise, dont let ocd win :)

@Winter Still gonna do my ERP. Still gonna fearlessly go places my mind doesn't want me to go. Still gonna try to live.

@Jbm421 Youre doing amazing. Its really tough but itll be worth it in the end ❤️

@Winter It's just every time I fall, my mind finds new ways of provoking me and convincing me that its not OCD. This is what hell feels like.

@Winter Feels like I lost females forever. I want them back so bad. I dont wanna think anymore.

@Jbm421 You’re definitely not alone with that. Youll get it all back though i promise, even if thats hard to see now. Youre doing everything you can to get better so be proud of yourself for that!