Hello everyone, I want to say that I’m so scared right now. Because it feels like that’s it, I already turned into what I feared. I literally feel like I’m going to act on my thoughts, if I go downstairs I feel like I’m gonna do it. I feel like I’m capable I literally feel like I’m gonna act on these thoughts! I used to create horrible scenarios in my head to prove that I would never do them. But now, when they come up in my mind, I feel like they’ll just be a reality. And no compulsions are giving me relief right now help!!😭 I don’t know if I’m capable of hurting MY OWN family, what kind of person thinks that way?!! I feel like I’m already a monster and I can’t think of me in the future as someone normal again with no bad intentions. Help this is making me really desperate and scary, I feel like it’s gonna happen, like I’m gonna act on them and like I’m gonna become into a m**derer who doesn’t give a f on doing things like these. Help omg.

Harm OCD

Miniman2511

Date posted: 4y

Hi, I know exactly how you’re feeling, I’ve been going through the exact same thing over the last few months with my family which made it very depressing and scary few months. I know just how scary it can be and how convincing ocd can be to the point where I genuinely thought I was going to do it there and then. I know it is such a difficult thing to do but the thing that really brought me the peace was leaving the thoughts just sit around and no matter how disgusting or terrible they maybe and trust me, I and everyone else with harm ocd have come up with the worst thoughts imaginable, leave the thoughts there and just sit for a few minutes with the thoughts where you don’t fight with them, don’t try and give reasons for why you don’t want to do it, and just sit with the possibility that it is possible for anyone to act on these thoughts. I’m certainly not saying that’s what you want to do and I know from this post how much you love your family, but sitting with the thought completely takes the power away. I refused to do this for months and it was torture because like you, I believed the second that I didn’t fight and argue I would switch into some crazy psycho. It really is difficult but it definitely works and I can say that for certain it works. I hope you find this useful in anyway and I’m happy to chat any time. Good luck with your recovery which I know you can achieve!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Hey thank you so much you’re so kind for sharing this with me, I really appreciate it. Yes it makes me feel like I’m a real psychopath and a murderer that is only waiting to act. It’s terrible, and in this very moment I feel like I’m a murderer manipulating you to make you think I have OCD. That sounds insane, but damn it all feels so real. Like what if these are my unconscious intentions right now. I’m so scared not to ruminate, because I might realize these are my real intentions, it is really scary. And I feel you when you say that you thought you were going to do it there and then, same. Ive had so many situations where I felt I could’ve done something that I’m surprise I didn’t. I’m so glad you recovered from this, and thank you so much for your help once again, and I’d be gladly to chat anytime :)

Miniman2511

Date posted: 4y

No worries, the manipulation thing was also something that I struggle with and it is terrifying because it really makes you question yourself, but I tried to just leave it there and say to myself “yes that’s exactly what I’m doing” in a sarcastic way which made me feel better because it made the situation feel more lighthearted

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so much, and yes this really makes me doubt a lot of my self, I feel you

alyssa_h

Date posted: 22w

i can’t do this much longer

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

Mitu_001

Date posted: 18w

Tw I am so scared

I am so scared of everything .Of my thoughts.If I am a good person.Years ago I didnt help a kid who was in danger.Since then I started to have terrible thoughts :( i am so terrified.I still have these thoughts and I am scared it means something about me .I really dont want to hurt anyone and I want to help that kid now but idk how I can now.Also I am scared I betray everyone.I still have terrible thoughts and when I am with someone I care is worse...idk why.For example I started to talk with a collegue and he is really nice to me.I told him some things abt me( not the intrusive thoughts) and he was supportive.I have no idea if I will tell anyone abt my thoughts..and bcs of that I feel like I lie to them and betray them.I really want to enjoy my life and be happy and support people( especially because I didnt help that kid then).I want to live up to my morals now but I feel like I lie and manipulate people bcs I am a monster.Is this normal? To feel this way? What can I do? What if I am my worst fear and just cant accept it?!

laladracu

Date posted: 18w

a thought?

I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore

Harm OCD

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