Hello everyone, I want to say that I’m so scared right now. Because it feels like that’s it, I already turned into what I feared. I literally feel like I’m going to act on my thoughts, if I go downstairs I feel like I’m gonna do it. I feel like I’m capable I literally feel like I’m gonna act on these thoughts! I used to create horrible scenarios in my head to prove that I would never do them. But now, when they come up in my mind, I feel like they’ll just be a reality. And no compulsions are giving me relief right now help!!😭 I don’t know if I’m capable of hurting MY OWN family, what kind of person thinks that way?!! I feel like I’m already a monster and I can’t think of me in the future as someone normal again with no bad intentions. Help this is making me really desperate and scary, I feel like it’s gonna happen, like I’m gonna act on them and like I’m gonna become into a m**derer who doesn’t give a f on doing things like these. Help omg.

Hi, I know exactly how you’re feeling, I’ve been going through the exact same thing over the last few months with my family which made it very depressing and scary few months. I know just how scary it can be and how convincing ocd can be to the point where I genuinely thought I was going to do it there and then. I know it is such a difficult thing to do but the thing that really brought me the peace was leaving the thoughts just sit around and no matter how disgusting or terrible they maybe and trust me, I and everyone else with harm ocd have come up with the worst thoughts imaginable, leave the thoughts there and just sit for a few minutes with the thoughts where you don’t fight with them, don’t try and give reasons for why you don’t want to do it, and just sit with the possibility that it is possible for anyone to act on these thoughts. I’m certainly not saying that’s what you want to do and I know from this post how much you love your family, but sitting with the thought completely takes the power away. I refused to do this for months and it was torture because like you, I believed the second that I didn’t fight and argue I would switch into some crazy psycho. It really is difficult but it definitely works and I can say that for certain it works. I hope you find this useful in anyway and I’m happy to chat any time. Good luck with your recovery which I know you can achieve!

No worries, the manipulation thing was also something that I struggle with and it is terrifying because it really makes you question yourself, but I tried to just leave it there and say to myself “yes that’s exactly what I’m doing” in a sarcastic way which made me feel better because it made the situation feel more lighthearted