In need of some help, I’m really struggling😪 I struggled with a lot of forms of this nightmare we know as ocd, I’m 25 now and back when I was 12 I went through a traumatic home invasion, from this I ended up with anxiety and bad intrusive thoughts, They ranged from me going to hurt a loved one, to me being a paedophile, to me liking the same sex, all of which I completely convinced myself of, I started seeing a psychologist and was prescribed pristiq, and over time and with having support of lots of friends and family I pulled through, had a couple of relapses over a few years back in therapy pulled through again, fast forward to 12 months ago I stopped taking the pristiq, I felt I was cured and after the arrival of mine and my loving partners little princess who is now 16 months old life was bliss, I was on top of the world, I own my own earth moving company, between us we own 2 houses, life was great, a few weeks back my partner come to me and said she wasn’t feeling the best and that she felt like we weren’t getting ahead and she wasn’t sure if she was still happy and what not, which sent me into a panic, my anxiety sky rocketed, I stopped eating I wasn’t sleeping, just a nightmare, then the intrusive thoughts got on top of me, about harming her, and then they got onto harming my daughter, which has absolutely wrecked me, I’ve convinced myself I’m a monster and that I’m evil and that I don’t love her and that it’s not ocd it’s just cause I’m a bad person, I’ve started seeing a psychologist again and I’ve been prescribed lexapro which I’ve been on for 3 weeks, but I’m living in constant fear, life is a nightmare, I do everything to try and stay away from them because the thoughts and worries feel unbearable, which I know is the opposite of what I need to do, but I just feel like I’m a monster, I hate myself, I need to be supportive and strong for my princess’ but I’m failing, I don’t know what to do guys😒

Harm OCD

tascher1

Date posted: 4y

I completely understand, shame, guilt, uncertainty, avoidance is all a part of it. I'm still working through my own journey but reaching out for help is a great start. I would recommend therapy with an ocd specialist.

tascher1

Date posted: 4y

Been there man, ocd will always switch themes until it finds something we cannot tolerate, usually it's a reflection of what you value most at the time, ie children and partners.

cward

Date posted: 4y

Thanks for your response, it’s truely terrifying and it’s a living nightmare, how could I be convinced that I want to hurt my little princess, I hate it, and can’t seem to break the cycle, but I’m getting all the help I can and I’m sure it will get better

Adryan2020

Date posted: 4y

Same here lastnight was the worst ever for me. my son is 16months as well and I have the same thoughts my guy like I said lastnight was something new ocd is a SOB. IT FINDS NEW ways to get to us it disguises itself in a new area. And then when come to release its all ocd it switches again it truly is a nightmare. I'm sorry for what your going through brother.

cward

Date posted: 4y

I’m sorry you go through this man, it’s truely a living hell, the hard part is when I first had trouble of intrusive thoughts many years ago, i would get on top of it, and it would switch themes, but this time it’s so strong on the one topic now of doing something to hurt my princess, it beats me down, I spend all day confused and wanting to cry, I spend all day wondering how I can go from what I was a few weeks ago to this, I honestly lived a great life, and now I have no motivation for nothing, I can’t relate to anything, I can’t find positives in anything, I just constantly have this dark cloud over me and this disgusting feeling of what ifs and buts, truely wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy

Smerforama

Date posted: 4y

The amount I can relate to this is scary.

Smerforama

Date posted: 4y

This thoughts, as intrusive as they are, are just thoughts. And the fact that you can say how worried you are, and how you feel like a bad person, shows you aren't and shows that you want to make a change for the better.

cward

Date posted: 4y

Thankyou for the kind words, I feel like such a monster and convinced that I’m going to do something, but whenever I’m around her I do everything in my power to make sure that nothing happens to her, but the whole time I have this constant feeling of guilt or anxiety, I hate this

Smerforama

Date posted: 4y

@cward Things will get easier, you know your love for her. ❤️

Adryan2020

Date posted: 4y

Foreal I cry at the thought of all of it . It brings me great distress

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