I was reading an online comic with my boyfriend and there was a scene when a woman was battling with some voices-demons who where telling her to kill people around her for them to stop. This was totally disastrous for me because my brain was like what if I am like this what if I go insane? This totally triggered my ocd(3 weeks ago) and I can’t keep it out of my mind ever since. When I first discovered I have OCD and saw the harm-OCD theme I was like no this could never be me and I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts. Some months later reading the comic book and this particular terrifying scene causes me to doubt everything and cry everyday- especially when I am with loved ones. I can’t look at them in the eye without crying because of the intrusive harm thoughts. I don’t want to tell them because I will mess up their lives completely. I don’t know what to do I seriously want a new brain I can’t live with these thoughts I know they are not me. I can’t live with constant doubt about my character. I can’t believe how much your life can change in a matter of seconds. My heart goes out to everyone whose mind makes them suffer without a reason.

Hey sweetie! Everything's going to be okay! I've struggled with those type of scenarios for a while... They some times really messed up with me. You know, ocd really likes to doubt the uncertainty of things. And when it triggers you with those scenarios, you frick out because you know you don't want any of that to deal with your character. When it was with me, it led me to the point that although I deep down knew I would never act on my thoughts I always felt so confused about everything, doubted so much what I felt. You know why that happened? I'd focus on creating a mental map about exactly how I felt based on all the mess. Basically, instead of just living and letting the thoughts just pass by, I'd attach to the thoughts and try to decipher them. Now, don't blame yourself for doing that, it's normal, it gives you a lot of distress. What really helped me to get over harm ocd and those incredibly awful distressing scenarios was to just let the thoughts pass by. Don't try avoiding them, don't block them; if they come telling you you're going to do something terrible just let them pass. It's a difficult job, but it gets better. Also, having your time busy with things that truly satisfact and distract you is an amazing option. I know how it all feels, I know how hard it is, and I feel awful for reading this struggle your going through:( But things get better! The key to overcoming this and any type of ocd is accept the uncertainty, slowly by allowing these type of thoughts to just be thoughts. You'll see things get much clearer once you allow yourself these tips. Much lovee! :)

Yes, accepting them and letting them pass is really harsh. It feels like you're accepting them as the truth. But it's not. Totally not. I get what you're going through so well, and even if you still don't have access to therapy believe me, you're not alone. If I could, other people could and can overcome those thoughts so can you, even if now doesn't seem like it. Also, in order for you to overcome those thoughts, you need to understand that ocd is anxiety mixed with fears. It's like, you get triggered by something, and since you really don't want that to happen you start questioning yourself "Oh I reacted in this way, does that mean...?" or "This thought just came into my mind, does that mean...?" and the more you try justifying and explaining and avoiding them, the more they affect you. You are not your thoughts. Trillions of thoughts come into a person's mind daily, most of them you don't even notice they're there. Does that mean that every thought that pops up in your head has a extra powerful meaning behind it? No, it doesn't. As you also said, you cried for the last two weeks and were very sad... Now, you think a person that truly intempts on being bad would even be like that? Because of those thoughts BOTHERING them? Nope, not at all. You also said that you were doing great until starting distressing about this whole situation, which if I'm probably right, means you've never really demonstrated to be those thoughts. And if that hasn't happened in the past, why would it happen now because of thoughts? The reason why it's stressing you so much is because this is a big fear you have, but believe me, from a thought to an action there's a longg wayyyy. And with me, I was afraid of somehow losing my mind and doing something like that. Which is what? Just a scenario, not real life. If you want to talk about it more, we can totally! Know that you're not alone!

You'll never lose your mind because of ocd. I was constantly scared of that too, would obsess for it until the thought eventually disappeared and another one came back; now, I almost never get those thoughts, and when I get them I just tell myself it is just ocd playing its role. The more you attach to those thoughts, the more overwhelming they'll come. And if you see this closely, when a thought comes into your mind, you ruminate, it passes, you do it again... Snowball. And when it's a snowball you have to break the cycle somehow. Not because something terrible will happen and you will be the worst person in this world ever seen; but because it will give you a lot of distress. I'm sure you're a very sweet person, that before dealing with this whole situation never did anything that proved that you are indeed a terrible person. A good way of also solving this, besides recognizing the thought and not ruminate about it is remind yourself that you've never shown to be a bad person in the past, so why would you, because of these thoughts, become one now? And if you're stressing so much about it, crying and just want them to go away, do you really think that proves you are/will be a bad person? Think about it. The key is to really break the cycle. For me, they keypoint to slowly disattach was to distract myself and then, ir slowly got better. When it got better and better, what I'd and still do is when a thought like that comes into my mind just let it pass, it eventually goes away. And one day you'll see that you can even see that thought as something absurd. Also, you said you felt guilty to be around someone you had "all those thoughts" about them. Look, once again you are not your thoughts. A great example of ocd can me manipulative in some contexts is: imagine someone who works at a funeral that usually sees very "dark" events, so sometimes they can use humour to relieve a bit of that tense awful tension or "mood". Does them using humour makes them feel like they find deaths and all funny? Nopee, not at all. Ocd would be very concerned about this tho. If that person had ocd about that, they'd probably started doubting everything as why they laughed and be extremely preoccupied with "am I bad person?" "did I found that funny?" "why did I find that funny?" "does that mean..?". And you see, that person, as many people out there that are lovely people, just used humour as a coping mechanism. So you are not your thoughts. And you don't have to feel guilty for something that already gives you great distress.