I haven’t read it in a while but the master doc is freaking me out again :( I just read the content page and it’s all just terrified me. I’m convinced I’m just in denial right now, like I’ve had loads of crushes on fictional men before (a sign apparently) and a couple of times I’ve gone off of real guys when they start liking me back (I thought it was due to me being scared of change) and it just all feels like evidence :( Like there’s even a thing about blushing and feeling nervous around men being a sign and I sometimes feel so nervous before dates :( I’m not asking for reassurance as I know it won’t help I’m just in a state of panic and want to talk to someone, I can’t keep doing this, I just want it all to stop :’(

Sexual Orientation OCD

NOCD4me@123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Hey. I’ve never read the master doc because I think it’s probably a load of bull, but I’m here to talk. I’ve thought about some of the things you mentioned too as I have SOOCD as well.

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so so much for commenting, it’s so easy to feel alone sometimes, so I really appreciate it :) yeah I honestly wish I had never come across it! My therapist is starting to incorporate it into my erp and it’s so scary! Which things have you worried about?

NOCD4me@123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

You are not alone! We are in this together. I have heard of the doc and sometimes I feel like I should read it but I know that’s just a compulsion and will DEFINITELY make me feel worse. I can see how it would be a really good exposure though. As for hacking off of guys as soon as one likes me back I definitely do that and have had that issue in the past. And I’m nervous and uncomfortable around men too. And so that makes me scared that maybe I’m not supposed to be with a guy etc etc. I know what it feels like to be in that state of panic though. Try and ground yourself. Name three things you see, smell, hear, can touch, etc. to bring you back into the present.

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

Yeah when I first read it it was 100% in a compulsive way, I saw someone mention it and i felt such a strong urge to read it to “check to see if my thoughts were real” this was all before I knew how bad doing compulsions were. The stopping liking a guy thing once they like me back is such a tricky one, it happened to me when I was like 14 (I know probs to young and silly to be in a relationship anyways lol) and the meme key of this has stuck with me up until now (21)! Now boys don’t even fancy me anyways so I don’t know if the same will happen again, I find myself not having any crushes lately, I’m like numb to all emotions apart from fear :(

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

@MelodyMoo Memory* not meme key haha

NOCD4me@123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Yes I also have kind of lost my ability to crush on/be attracted to men. Which makes me sad at the moment but I’m trying not to focus on it too much. I’ve had this theme on and off since I was like 12 so I think about that a lot and how maybe I’ve just been in denial for all that time. I’ve also never had a boyfriend! And I’m 23 so I totally get it.

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

I guess we just gotta accept the uncertainty and carry on living, it’s just so hard I feel like I need answers!

NOCD4me@123

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@MelodyMoo Yeah I’m trying to it just really sucks because I’m so scared that it’s all true and I really don’t want to be gay. I’m sure you can relate...

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

@NOCD4me@123 Oh yeah I 100% can, it’s an endless cycle :(

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond