I have a tricky one for you guys... Please help me in this. I don’t know what’s true and what’s anxiety in this situation and I need some help. I have a pretty paralyzing fear of being murdered by my partner. I don’t remember how it started but it’s a fairly new theme (within the last 2 years). I probably make it a lot worse by watching a lot of true crime documentaries and, of course, many of the killers are the spouse. Anyway, it usually comes and goes in terms of severity and I JUST felt like I had gotten over it. I didn’t really worry about it anymore. My partner knows about this. He has a twisted sense of humour and has made dark jokes but never threatened me or made me feel like I was in any ACTUAL danger. But he can say things that will just absolutely send me over the edge. He’s promised (and pinky-promised) that he will never murder me or anyone else. That sounds SO silly when I type it out but it’s how I ask for reassurance. Anyway, something happened today where this has now come up again and I’m through the roof with anxiety. I googled (I know, stupid!) and it sounds like a lot of people have this dark sense of humour and a lot of people think it’s normal to joke about killing each other with their partner..? I don’t know- it’s not like I feel like he’s threatening me. He always apologies when he sees how anxious i get and promises he was just kidding and he would never hurt me. But I just don’t see how it’s funny? Maybe I would if it weren’t for this intense fear? I don’t know, please help. I don’t know what’s really a threat and what’s not anymore. Thank you!

Relationship OCD

jello86

Date posted: 4y

I won't reassure you because we're not supposed to engage in that here--but I think you should make it clear to him that the jokes are triggering for you. It sounds like he needs to be educated a little more on how the OCD feels for you. I believe you can improve the situation and that how you're feeling right now will pass!

Date posted: 4y

You need to set a boundary. Just like anything else in a relationship, if something makes you uncomfortable, you should let your partner know so they won’t do that thing. And if they continue to do that thing long-term, it’s likely a sign that they do not respect your boundaries/needs.

Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

Thanks everyone! A couple of things here...he does know how triggering these are for me. He apologized right away and said it just slipped out and he didn’t think before he said it. But once it’s been said, no amount of him apologizing takes the anxiety away. He’s made a conscious effort to be more careful about what he says around me so I really hope this was just a mistake... And secondly, I don’t even know if it really bothers me or if it bothers me BECAUSE of how bad the anxiety is around this. Like, I wonder if I didn’t have such a fear around this, would I be able to joke around too? Or just laugh and roll my eyes? That’s why this is so upsetting and frustrating...I have no idea if it’s a real danger/fear or if it’s getting blown up in my head. I appreciate you guys not giving reassurance (even though it’s what I desperately want right now 😅)

Chelzy A

Date posted: 2y

@Stuckinmyhead Hi did you get over that fear??? If so how ? Or how did it get better I started having it about my partner and others I don’t know why

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