I’m doing really terribly. It’s like I’ve completely forgotten how to apply ERP because I’m getting NOWHERE on this obsession. Every day I wake up with my head aching because it’s like my mind is already desperately trying to figure out that something wrong, and at the same time desperately trying to stop, even though I know that rumination is my choice, my mind doesn’t just do it. Every day I wake up with that head ache and a horrible dread about the day, I don’t want to get up, it’s so bad. Yesterday I hosted a live online event and several times I paused or lost my focus because OCD was so strong and I didn’t know how to stop figuring it out and return to what I was talking about . I’m so frustrated and upset and sad, it’s like I’ve completely forgotten how to apply ERP, even though I know how to do it, whereas previously I was doing so good! Ugh!!!!!! 😢

It can be very hard! You are not alone. People without anxiety disorders also struggle with this concept.

@outdoorman I hope I can figure out how to apply ERP to this obsession. It’s been tormenting me and casting a dark cloud over my life for the last 2 and a half months, even though I know it’s just OCD and so stupid! 😔

@Madison I’m someone who is pretty far along in the recovery. Maybe I could give advice on the ERP? If you don’t want to share, you absolutely don’t have to. Just thought I would lend out a helping hand. I’ve been through it all haha

@outdoorman My new obsession is literally just ruminating about ruminating. It’s the stupidest thing. I know how to stop ruminating about everything else and let the distress pass, but for this one, I am having so much trouble for whatever reason even though I know it’s the same. I know that I can just decide to stop and stop justifying it but I’m having so much trouble because I’m so confused. Ugh. It’s making me so depressed! :/ sorry for ranting, hahaha!

@Madison Yep I 100% know what you’re talking about. This will happen to me every once in awhile when I’m about to fall asleep. I’ll ask myself “Wait am I ruminating?” And then get stuck in that viscous cycle of “Have I been doing ERP wrong this whole time?” “Will I ever stop this ruminating cycle?” Etc. It helped when I realized that all your brain cares about is the compulsion-That’s all. Literally the obsession can be about anything. And I mean anything at all. Your brain is just trying to make you feel better by performing a compulsion. So when that ruminating about ruminating comes up. I simply don’t answer the question my brain throws at me. I know it’s my brain just trying to get me to react.

@outdoorman Ikr! I know it’s just a stupid compulsion and that OCD is the same no matter what it disguises itself as. I don’t know why I’m SO stuck on this!!! 😔 I have been trying SO HARD to “just stop” for 2 and a half months now. I don’t know why I keep reacting to it and engaging, but it’s like I can’t catch myself. I don’t know what to do 😪

@Madison Yeah I completely get what you’re saying. Another thing I found really helpful is- I gave up the struggle of being strong when it came to my thoughts and feelings and sensations that I didn’t like. I know that you’re strong by the way you’re talking to me. And I know I’m strong as well. So I suggest we try weakness. When you say you were trying so hard to just stop for 2 1/2 months now. It almost sounds like you’re putting that anxiety in charge of your life. You’re putting that thought in charge of your life. I suggest we just let the anxiety and thought ride along with us with whatever we do and have no judgement to the thoughts or feelings.

@Madison A good example I have for you is- my mom has a heart condition(an irregular heartbeat) i’ve asked her on many occasions if she notices it. She replies- “Well only if I focus in on it” and I freak out like- well how does that not concern you or obsess over it!? “Because why would I put that in charge of my life? It’s a part of me. I’m still going to do everything I want to do.” That’s how we should treat random thoughts and emotions. It’s there. They can come and go. But just let it sit with you and do things you value and actually care about.

@outdoorman Thanks man!! I hope I can do this! I really love the idea of not letting my struggles and imperfections hold me back from what I do. It’s just such a fight sometimes to try to enjoy my schoolwork with fun music when I have this horrible obsession I know I’m not applying ERP to “right”. 😩