I feel like I find men more attractive than women sometimes 😔

Thank you so much

But sometimes it feels like I do 😔

Too top it off the other day a girl on a random chat site said ... umm are you not gay your face looks gay 😔

@Ihateocd83 @me That makes a lot of sense but is so hard to accept cos it’s like oh well then I have to be a lesbian and I don’t want to be 😂

@lkkkk1234 Yeah exactly. Being told you look gay by some random just makes me think it must be true 😔

@lkkkk1234 bruhhh u have echoed my exact thoughts !!!!!!!!!!

@me Who me ?

@Ihateocd83 @ikkk1234 but also u! i have the exact same thoughts as both of u all!! feeling worried someone will think “i look gay” or just simply not wanting to be gay super bad. it’s so hard to be present and it can taint so many experiences with anxiety.

@me Yep! Can’t stop imagining myself in sexual situation w women which makes it worse. Makes it feel like I want it. Also only certain women trigger me, not women I typically think oh she’s so pretty but people who are a bit more masculine/ not straight looking it’s strange

@me I'm convinced I look gay now and I think other people are thinking it

@lkkkk1234 AHHH LIKE U TOOK MY EXACT THOUGHTS AND WROTE THEM

@me Cos like I always think surely if it was hocd all women would trigger me... and they don’t

@lkkkk1234 Makes me feel a little alien and like everyone else’s is real but I’m the exception

@lkkkk1234 it’s also like so many people find it all so simple. why am i caught in this cycle? i never talk about hocd either bc i don’t think people will understand or they’ll just say “it’s ok if u are gay”

@me Yep and also the cycle is a good outline but it’s so much more complex than that. I have some moments of clarity but they don’t last long at all. Hocd and sexuality have so many nuances it’s just impossible to get through. I sometimes think we’ll maybe you never looked at women and just didn’t notice etc etc but like it’s not normal to be thinking about sexuality. All. The. Time.

@lkkkk1234 YES! coming to this app made me realize it’s actually ocd which is sorta relieving because i thought i was just in “denial” or going crazy

@me Ah I still doubt I have ocd quite a lot. Like am I doing a compulsion am I only doing a compulsion cos I want to do one cos I want it to be ocd. It’s so bloody tiring. Don’t get me wrong I have some great things in my life and am lucky but I’m also so mad this has happened to me. Every time I get over something or a trigger something else pops up. The worst is when my anxiety goes which in theory should be good but experiencing no anxiety just makes it feel real. My therapist told me to lean into the doubt instead of the anxiety but idk !

@lkkkk1234 That's what I'm like it's 24/7 trying to workout if I really find them attractive etc. I say stuff in my head like if there is a good looking actor in a film I will be like he's to die for etc .. in my head 😔🤷‍♂️

@lkkkk1234 that’s so valid, love. and i hope you know that u can have good things in your life and still have shit things happen to u that u DONT DESERVE AT ALL. it’s hard to accept it ocd but i think the fact that i & many people on here have the same thought processes indicates smth. hope u take care of urself and allow urself some grace and compassion this weekend

@me No one replied to me now I think you guys just think I'm gay 😔

@me Thank you was so great taking to you!!!

@me definitely not what i’m thinking love!

@me But you didn't reply to my message comment above I get worried

@Ihateocd83 Sorry I didn’t either, I just didn’t want to reassure you

@lkkkk1234 No it's fine. I just feel like I'm the only one who says this in my head 😔

@Ihateocd83 definitely not !! i think these things as well

@lkkkk1234 I feel the same way! It’s so strange

@Day513 In what ways do you feel the same?

@lkkkk1234 When you said certain woman trigger you and you imagine yourself with women. I am going through the same thing

@Day513 You’re not alone x

@lkkkk1234 I'm struggling 😪

@Ihateocd83 Same, progress isn’t linear just remember that x

@lkkkk1234 It feels as though I want to be with a man. And I don't. And someone saying I look gay messed me up big time

@Ihateocd83 I can imagine that was really triggering I’m sorry :(

@Ihateocd83 At this point I feel like mines real tbh it sucks