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Stuckinmyhead

Date posted: 4y

Hey everyone. I hope you’re all doing well. I’ve sort of been writing about the same topic on here for the last few days or so, but I just find it so helpful, even if all the advice is the same each time haha. I guess I’ll just ask a simple question this time... my partner and I have been struggling lately. He has BPD and I have ROCD... I feel like my anxiety is beginning to get very frustrating for him to deal with. He’s usually very patient and empathetic, but it’s gotten to the point where I’m questioning him on everything and constantly asking for reassurance. Neither of us are in a position to afford therapy at the moment and so I’ve been trying hard to work through these things on my own, but I also give into my anxieties very easily. The reason I’m writing all of this out is because he made a “joke” earlier this week. It made me extremely anxious and caused a huge argument between the two of us. He’s trying to be empathetic and sympathize, and he knows how much anxiety I get over his jokes sometimes. I know he’s putting effort into being more careful about what he says so as not to trigger me, but I also know that I need to work on this on my own and can’t just expect him to censor himself all the time. Anyway, the comment/joke that he made has been rolling around in my head for the last four days. I keep repeating it over and over, and sometimes it sounds kind of funny and like it’s no big deal, but other times it makes me very upset and makes me question whether or not I am in the right relationship. We haven’t spoken much since that argument. Not necessary in a bad way, but we’ve just both been very busy. I guess I’m just conflicted because part of me wants to try and let it go and not give into the anxiety and not ask for reassurance around it...but the other part of me really feels like I need to dig in deep into it. I don’t want to keep fighting with him and I don’t want to continue to fight, but I also feel like I can’t be nice to him until it’s resolved in my brain. Until it doesn’t make me anxious anymore. Until it doesn’t scare me anymore. Does anyone else get like this? I can’t be nice to him until I know I have nothing to be anxious about. Or I can’t relax until I know I’ve resolved something or been reassured. I can’t even enjoy a movie unless I know I have nothing bad to think about or solve. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but hopefully some of you will understand. Back to the “joke”, I guess I just don’t know where the lines are, or where the boundaries are between something that needs to be forgotten and something that needs to be addressed seriously. Everything is a red flag in my head. Everything causes alarm bells to ring. So I don’t know if I’m overthinking something small or if it needs to be addressed more seriously Thanks for reading 💕

Relationship OCD

Aloe vera

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Hi rewilding! It's a good thing that your boyfriend shows effort to work on things when you say it bothers him. If he brushed off your feelings, that would be concerning. The response to these jokes might be different if they're toxic and belittling to you, or you just took offense to them and did not like them. Assuming the latter scenario, I think an important part of every relationship is the communication and forgiveness. I think when you have the opportunity, tell him that it has been bothering you and what part of it did. Make sure to do this kindly, because there are many times where we might say something similar that offends someone and would want to be treated the same way :) Then, you will have to choose to forgive. Forgiving doesn't necessarily mean that you forget what he said, but it means that you're going to choose not to hold it against the person any longer, and that it no longer is brought up. If needed, draw boundaries to what you're not comfortable with him joking about. Should the joke continue to pop up in your head, remind yourself the first time, "we've discussed this already, and I've already forgiven him." Should it keep popping up, do not entertain it, asking what-ifs, or even reassuring yourself with the previous statement, but just realize that these are just thoughts and they have no power over you unless you give them that power. Over time, you'll realize you can slowly move past the thoughts without having to dwell on them. You may not feel a rush of relief or calm immediately, but remember that your feelings are not facts. Since I do not know you or your entire situation, please take my advice with a grain of salt. I wish you all the best!

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