Please help — not looking for reassurance but for advice/support! Exactly a year ago I hit my low. I had meltdowns/breakdowns frequently and felt absolutely overwhelmed and hopeless. I did nothing — no hobbies, no friends, no school. I didn’t even wash my own hair, I had my mom do it. I laid on a mattress on the floor almost all day. I truly hit rock bottom. OCD completely ruled and defined my life. In September-November 2020 I broke free and made lots of progress, applying ERP all on my own! In December 2020 I saw a NOCD therapist and my life truly looked up from there. In March I felt I basically had this thing wrapped up, I was rocking right along with ERP and enjoying my life again! I was doing school and my hobbies and even chasing my career again! But then I hit a terrible backdoor spike that I haven’t been able to get over for 2.5 months now??? I am back to dreading every single day because I know it will be more of the same, instead of feeling hope about the future. Daily existing is so hard I distract myself on my phone or with music all day. Anything to escape. I’ve missed three days of schoolwork now. I can’t believe I am back in this depression again. I just can’t stop my compulsions even though I know they are in my control!! Ahh sorry for the rant, but I hate this so much!! I was feeling so good and actually enjoying my life again, hanging out with friends and chasing after my career and liking my life again. Now I just cry and hate my daily existence again because I am having so much trouble stopping my compulsions. Today I just cried on the floor in my room. I’m SOOO upset that I’m in this terrible place again and don’t know how to get out of it. 😭 Sorry for the rant guys😩😩😩 ANY advice for how to deal with a backdoor spike? I KNOW that it’s just stupid freaking OCD and that you deal with it the same as you do any other obsession, but I’m having the hardest time with this and I don’t know why!!! It’s causing me such terrible depression again. 😭 (Also, the backdoor spike is literally just an obsession about rumination. The entire obsession is just the horrible awareness that I don’t know how to stop ruminating about this obsession. It’s rumination about rumination. SO stupid right? Not any serious theme, just an obsession about refraining from rumination right or wrong!)

"Pure" OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

OCD has really tricky ways of bringing us back to it once we finally start to feel free. I’m getting nervous because after about a year of being in a super low place, the past 2 months have been pretty good for me. But for the last week, I’m feeling myself start to slip again. And I’m not exactly sure what to do to stop it. Are you still in therapy? Or could you do some touch base sessions with your therapist if you’re not still seeing them? I know this is going to sound so dumb and obvious, but how about doing all over what worked for you to begin with? Maybe take a step back to when you first started going to therapy and feeling better and see if there’s anything that you could repeat about the process that would help you.

Madison the ...

Date posted: 4y

Thanks so much! Congrats on feeling pretty good the past 2 months, and I hope you’re able to feel good again soon 💖 I am with a therapist. We’ve been trying to tackle this obsession for the past few months, but I’m pretty stuck. I’m really trying to do what worked for me before, but the fear is so strong that I keep getting pulled back in to mental checking and such, even though I KNOW it’s just OCD — ugh! 😔

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

It’s the worst. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. It can feel so defeating. Stay strong! 😊

Nica

Date posted: 4y

Healing isn’t linear and you’ll always hit bumps along the way.

Madison the ...

Date posted: 4y

Thanks guys 😔 I really hope I can get past this bump 💖

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