A couple days ago I made a post about worrying about having a foot fetish. Truthfully, I think a lot of times when I post, I’m looking for reassurance. It’s something that’s so hard for me to combat. However, some of the comments I received on that post did the exact opposite of reassure me, and now I’m worried even more. I know this should maybe be the goal, because now I have to sit with that uncertainty. It’s just really tough. I really do think this worry of having a foot fetish comes from HOCD. I only have groinals when I look at women’s feet, and I think this is because I’m already anxious about how I might feel about women / parts of their body. Groinals are my absolute least favorite part of any OCD theme. It just makes my thoughts spiral even more. I’m trying to do things that make me happy today, but because I had a groinal response to seeing my friend’s foot the other day, I’ve convinced myself I’m horrible and a freak and a fraud and gay, so now I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I feel so stuck and so lost. I want to confess to my boyfriend too, but I know I can’t. This worry is taking over my life.

Hey there, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It sounds really tough, and trying to find reassurance through posting can actually back-fire, like you say! And yeah, don’t look at it as strictly a bad thing because it allowed you to contend with the fear and feel the emotions as opposed to running away. And I agree with you, I think this is completely interwined with your HOCD, that’s for sure. As much as it was probably beneficial to you, I’m sorry that there were people trying to prove your obsession, and as I said, this is just a facet of the HOCD. You DO NOT need to explain your obsessions to anyone! As much as it can feel as though you’re bottling up a ‘secret’, (which in some ways you are) the nature of OCD is personal to you, and your therapist if and when you have one. It’s such a fatal misconception that people assume you have to pour out the intricacies of your OCD to other people, especially if it is intimate. Of course, if it feels necessary to you, which it very well may, tell him you have OCD - you don’t have to tell him it’s HOCD or ROCD, as sadly, it can draw wedges between relationships and families, because pure O is so easily misconstrued! Hopefully I came here in time, but I’m going to link an article written by a really prolific and brilliant clinical psychologist who specialises in OCD, I think you should definitely read it! As terrible as you feel now, hold onto whatever hope you can gather, because there is hope and you are not doomed. You have OCD, like the rest of us here. It is a recognised disorder, you are NOT alone.

https://www.ocdonline.com/i-think-it-moved Here’s the article, give it a read when you can. It was really beneficial to me and led me into treatment.