Hi, Ive downloaded this app because I dont really have a therapist yet. But lately Ive been feeling so alone. In 8th grade(5 yrs ago) something occurred that made me develop contamination OCD fears and then I was taken to a therapist for a week or two by my parents. I somehow overcame it by sophomore - junior year. It was liberating! Then senior yr we got news of the Covid virus and it all came back. That feeling of not caring what I touch/ who touches me became a problem again. My parents never really understood it or wanted to. My dad doesnt really notice but my mom does and she gets angry at me for thinking this way. When I got Covid in november along with the rest of my family is when I started worrying more. I lost my smell and taste. The smell came back fairly quick, my taste around 3-5 mths. But ever since then I have a fear of getting it again because I might lose that again, and also I dont want to be cleaning everything in my house. It makes me feel like im listening to my intrusive thoughts instead of actually follow cdc guidelines after catching it. But as of this week what has triggered my OCD the most is that someone broke into my car, as well as my neighbors. But i just cant get over the idea this person might have had covid. I cleaned my side of the car the day i noticed, but then after doing so i thought “my car is a sealed space the aerosols are still in the air inside my car”, so the next day I open up the windows a few inches to let any particles in the air to get out. Because i know it stays in the air for 3 hrs, i left it like that parked in my driveway for 3 hrs, and decided to not ride it until 7-9 days pass so any droplets in the air that fell right back onto the surfaces could be gone. But i still feel like they might stay there because my car is a sealed space and will ‘disappear’ if i were to leave the windows open for that many days straight or disinfect everything including the passengers side and the back because i didnt before and dont want anyone catching it from the amount of droplets that may be on it. The day i cleaned my side my mom touched the trunk handle that i touched but didnt clean and i know she wasnt going to wash her hands and then touch every door handle, her phone, her sweater, etc. and put me in a constant state of worry even inside my own house. I really would like to go to an actual therapist again on my own terms, but i dont have money and my parents dont understand and will get mad at me, i dont really know what to do. I just want to overcome this. I havent even been able to make myself go up and hug my mom and family members for months after i caught the virus because i feel they dont follow precautions with hand washing efficiently. I love riding my car and now i dont even want to, thinking that each time I drive I will want to clean myself head to toe after being in it because i didnt disinfect everything again. I think maybe if i clean it again properly it will calm my fears but I dont want to give in to these thoughts making me feel like im covered in covid droplets, when i might not even be. Anyway, the only person i think of reaching out to that will listen and could help me get help is my older brother but i dont want to be a burden.