I’m going to get re-tested for schizophrenia. I haven’t been outside in over a year. I hear dinging noises sometimes. Abs today I had earwax in my ear abs couldn’t hear clearly and I said to myself that irs like little elves in my ear. like who thinks like that? Then I said it’s stupid. Then the thoufht kept popping up and it’s like I was trying to convince myself it was real. Mind you I was straight out of finals and a long day or intrusive thoughts but I think I’m going batshit crazy.

Recently ive had ocd thoughts that are really weird and make no sense (they sound like thoughts that someone would have if they were in physcosis eg. What if trump can communicate with you through your head) like what??? Sometimes it feels like i believe it??? Which stresses me out and im constantly worried that im going through physcosis since i sort of belive it? I know deep down its ridiculous but it almost feels like i believe it?? Im scared. Like sometimes im calm with the thought. Im like oh okay maybe. Then sometimes my brain tries to imagine him like talking to me through my head??? Am i going through physcosis.??

I came across a video that was talking about a theory and it was something me and my friend were talking about 2 years ago and were tweaking about and i was explaining it to my girlfriend just now and them i started to get anxiety about stuff not being real and my world isn’t what it seems to be and that there stuff out there and then i started to have religious OCD and then it went to how Im scared of the world being fake or suffering from a mental illness like schizophrenia or something and stuff and I’ve been having OCD about my girlfriend being a government agent or that government agents are watching me cause I’m scared of schizophrenia and thinking like them i don’t think i actually think it i kinda just go to my girlfriend isn’t a government agent which scares me into thinking i was thinking she was or gonna think she is or idk if i just saying that to bot seem insane or something but like idk if i truly believe that i doubt it i don’t believe it any other time and then i started getting stress i might hurt or maybe kill her and it scares me cause shes my everything and I’m scared of losing her idk guys I’m getting stressed hella and I’m scared of myself and my OCD I’m genuinely tired of it like anyone can ask my girlfriend and she’ll say i cant go 5 mins without ticcing (from ocd) or asking for reassurance like that life is real and thats shes real and I’m real and nothings wrongs and stuff, i probably sounds crazy lmaoo maybe and the sucky thing is i don’t have a therapist or a thingy going on for me cause i don’t have a job and or insurance let alone.

I have been having these fears about developing schizophrenia, it reached a point where i am starting to almost hear things or the smallest sounds and my mind tells me you're schizophrenic, and i feel this weird sensations in my ear as if someone is whispering yet i can barely hear them, the thing is i am not diagnosed yet because i never work with an OCD therapist but i study psychology so i just used what i learnt to give a meaning to my suffering, many themes of this fear have been happening before and this schizophrenia fear is the last one. I want to know what advice you can give me or ways to make my brain calm down a little bit, i also don't have and can't afford a therapist that's why i am here in the first place I also want to know more informations or experiences with this theme if anyone habe experienced it and what helped you with it I remember feeling better for a while but than i collapsed back, but i am hoping to get better soon too or anytime in the future, I don't want reassurance so make sure you be as real as you can, and thanks 🙏🏻