I am 19 years old and a virgin and this has been so hard for a long time now. I feel abnormal and i feel like i dont know Who i am Because of my Hocd as well. I Get depressed everytime i am on a date with a guy Because i never feel enough and i just feel paralyzed whenever i get close and intimate. I have always thought that I just haven’t met the right guy but I am starting to doubt that. I don’t want to be asexual or lesbian. It’s so hard, I don’t know who I am.. why can’t I also be like others, enjoying intimacy..

I’m 17, still a virgin, struggle a lot with intimacy with my boyfriend and it’s worse with soocd and rocd. You’re not alone :)

Hey, I’m sorry you feel like this. This theme is tough to say the least, especially when you feel convinced that you have evidence to prove it. You mention going on dates & not feeling ‘enough’. When I’ve read about this form of OCD from the view point of professionals, it seems that, for many people, it stems from a place of feeling inadequate. I think because you feel like you ‘should’ve’ lost your virginity at an earlier age, this makes you ‘less than’, or abnormal in some regard, and from this, OCD has tried to lead you to ‘well what if all of this is because you’re gay’, sort of thing. You even say yourself that you don’t want to be asexual or lesbian, and that is enough evidence for me that this isn’t a case of working out whether you’re a lesbian or asexual, but more so you being at peace with the question, which takes time. I think the years you’ve spent ruminating over the fact that you’ve not lost your virginity (aside from the OCD) has created a lot of anxiety around the whole topic of intimacy in general, and with anxiety comes a loss of libido. So, that’s one answer for what you’re describing. Because anxiety = loss of libido a lot of the time, people with sexual obsessions use this as evidence for their obsessions being true, which is just opening a whole new can of worms on the compulsion front which I’m sure you’re familiar with. I’m hoping that you try and get some help, possibly with an NOCD therapist or another OCD professional (make sure they’re a professional in OCD) if that is not an option for you (which it isn’t for many), try and research about OCD as much as you can. Get a better understanding of what it is that is going on, and from that you can go into ERP with an arsenal of knowledge to apply. I’m sending you love & best wishes, stay hopeful.

I am also a virgin I turn 22 in July and I feel like this is somehow evidence that I have been bi my whole life which makes no sense because I’ve never thought of a woman that way

hello, im in the same situation right now how do you feal today?