I wish I could just watch TV like normal. I'm always like "she's pretty/skinny" but never think it about guys (I am a straight woman) and that makes me anxious. I was never really one of those girls that had pictures of famous guys. So whilst feeling anxious, I anticipate any intrusive thought/mental compulsion, which makes me have an intrusive thought cos I'm just waiting for it. Cos I'm starting to accept better that I AM straight and the "I'm gay" thoughts are OCD, it's now trying the "I'm bi" as a way to keep the OCD present even though I KNOW that I am straight. I don't like the idea of being with a woman (gosh my anxiety/OCD brain is triggering me by being like "you might like it if it happened" or you never know unless you try - but I do KNOW). Dammit! I just want to watch TV, sometimes I become so aware of where I am looking when I watch it, it's like "do I just stare at their face" (shows clothes for example) "or do i look at the clothes?" "Whats normal? How do normal look at the people on TV? How do I even HUMAN??!" 😒

So glad it's not just me! I was always trying to copy Taylor Swifts look or be like the "pretty, popular" girls on TV or I school (I didn't really have an female friends). Then ocd hit and suddenly my insecurities and admiration means I want to be with them 😒 I got called weird and a lesbian in school and I was fine at the time but I think it's resonated with my ocd. Now, every time I tell myself it's admiration and my ocd is trying to tell me otherwise. Kate Middleton was (sometimes is) a trigger cos of her classy put-together sort of look but it's purely because she is confident and I know I'll never look like that. But you know ocd.... 😒

@Anonymous2020 I had a few people question whether I was straight or not when I was younger just because I didn't have a boyfriend. In reality, It was because most guys I liked never liked me back, but no, the intrusive thoughts always made it seem like it was my fault 😒 I had a tough time... My triggers are bubbly, pretty, and outgoing personalities. I'm very shy, and have always had insecurities about my body (I was extremely underweight for most of my life). I wish I could be like them, but hey, I guess I'm me haha...

@Maria Ocd seems to attack those with insecurities or low self esteem. I suppose others can say what they want (right or wrong), we can't control that, or the intrusive thoughts that come with it. Thank you for sharing that with me, it's not easy! I hope we can accept ourselves one day...

Same! I was at a point where I didn't watch TV, didn't read books or even write because of it. Now I watch TV that I know avoids sexual themes like 15+ sort of stuff, even 12+ sometimes triggers me. I read again now, remembering it's just a story and I'm writing a little now but sometimes it gets in the way if I have to describe a female character and then I'll go like a month without writing. It's definitely ERP!!! I'm just so grateful to know that I am not alone :)

@Anonymous2020 I also watched just animated Disney shows at one point. It avoided sexual themes all together and the female characters were always portrayed as beautiful and skinny so it was normal to think that. Maybe try going PG rated on yourself and try an easy show (even if it's on in the background and you're on your phone). I hope you get to watch TV again someday

@Anonymous2020 You’re never ever alone! Yes I watch Disney even that I have avoided like I haven’t watched soul still because people said it was triggering! I need to just do it

@Justmesadly I watched Soul, for me it wasn't triggering (I struggle with SOOCD). I can see why, if you are someone triggered by death

@Anonymous2020 No they said it was triggering for something else , maybe like not being your true self or lying or something. But yes I have SOOCD and real event and pocd

@Justmesadly Oh, how interesting. I think I know where that comes from in the film (won't spoil it in case you end up watching it). I wouldn't say it was they weren't being their true self, more like they knew who they were and found a way to be it (which is extremely triggering for some people). Maybe watch it whilst doing something else like playing a game on your phone?? and when it gets to the triggering part try to remember that you are your true self and ocd is trying to stop you? I'm not too sure with that one 🤔 I was more about the death part cos I don't like thinking about what happens at all

@Anonymous2020 Yeah I think it depends on who you are and your triggers bc I didn’t see anyone say anything about being triggered by the death part until you ! But yes I need to just do it

@Justmesadly You'll get there :)