- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Even if you did like girls it doesn't mean that you also don't like guys
- Date posted
- 4y
You could always go on a date with a girl to see if you enjoy it. But this sounds very ROCD / HOCD to me. Of course thereās no way to know for sure. I had this exact same thing happen, ROCD (didnāt know it), broke up with my fiance, have always been heterosexual, but developed HOCD, got into acceptance with being uncertain if I would like being with girls or not, and then immediately my OCD became TOCD. Which has been a nightmare. If itās not one thing, itās another.
- Date posted
- 4y
Did you experience arousal with women? I legit cannot live my life like this. I also would try going on a date with a girl but it isnāt that easy just to choose someone ya know. Like I almost feel this sense of urgency.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope I feel like I have to, to know for sure. Like I need to know.. I think idk maybe I think girls are sweet and stuff and fun maybe I do like them. Saying that doesnāt feel right but it gives me less anxiety.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope Yes. Since I was little I always wanted a boyfriend I would try to kiss boys and have crushes. I felt like super sexual about men but not aroused... like I wanted to talk about sex with men and liked the way male privates looked but I felt sexual towards girls as well I liked lesbian porn Bc I got exposed to it really young but I never had crushes on them. Then when I got older I met a man and he took my virginity and I loved it. I loved sex with him. I then only went after men and I liked sex with them and wanted to marry a man and all this stuff but I still felt sexual arousal towards women. I think it may be bisexual but I cannot accept that either my brain going no LESBIAN. And it makes me think I never liked men at all. Thatās whatās scary. Bc I hear a lot of women get turned on by women but they donāt want sex in real life.. so itās all confusing.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope Itās so hard. I donāt really now how exposure will work because I know Iāll feel aroused and stuff. I find so much peace in being with a man but something always holds me back in my mind
- Date posted
- 4y
When I was in the thick of it with HOCD, I was sad because I thought it meant I couldnāt be with a man, and that I had to break up with my bf. I believe that actual lesbians donāt cry over not getting have a husband, if that makes sense
- Date posted
- 4y
I've felt just like this before
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe Iāve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didnāt think anything about it, thatās just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didnāt have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I canāt exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didnāt think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that Iāve never had a boyfriend and Iām a virgin. Iām very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesnāt happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now Iām not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still donāt want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but Iām afraid Iāll find that Iām a lesbian and I really donāt want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now Iām worried about comphet. Iām really depressed and I canāt tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether itās their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now Iām afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But Iām also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I donāt feel the same way anymore. I canāt even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. Iām really scared that Iāve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I donāt want to explore with women, I just want to like men, Iāve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but Iām struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and Iām back at square one. Iām afraid if I take my meds Iāll discover something about myself that I donāt want to because Iāve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I canāt take it!
- Date posted
- 19w
Iāve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life Iāve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked āzestyā in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now Iām always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if Iām attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I donāt even know what my sexuality is and itās really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman Iāve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the wayššš please any advice or comments
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi everyone I'm 18 and recently discovered i have soocd. I remember having random thoughts about men and it would make me feel uncomfortable and have bad panic attacks. Sometimes I would have to leave class bc these thoughts was messing with my head. And sometimes I would avoid men bc of this. I remember having a sex dream about one of my guy classmate and when ever I seen him I would have hatred for him. These thoughts keep on repeating over and over in my head to the point where I don't reaction to it. I don't if I'm slowly realizing im actually into men, but I still have this weird gut feeling in my stomach when I think about it. I really don't wanna lose my identity as lesbian.
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