- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t personally experience it but i don’t think it’s as much a fear as it is constantly questioning your sexuality. If anyone who actually experiences this can chime in it would probably be more helpful
- Date posted
- 6y
He has fears and obsession about heterosexual attractions and wonders if he really is gay.
- Date posted
- 6y
These are good questions. Wish i knew.
- Date posted
- 6y
I’m not sure I actually have this, but when I saw the description I was just like “wow ok, me”. Ok so how do I explain this? There’s nothing wrong with being gay, I’m not afraid of being attracted to the same sex. It’s more of this constant thought of “am I? What if I’m not? Who can I tell? Who can I not tell? Ok but am I though?” Idk if that helped or not, honestly feel free to as me specific questions, I feel that might be easier
- Date posted
- 6y
I have struggled with this a lot. A big part of it is not knowing. I have identified as bisexual since I was 15 because I feel like my orientation has always varied. I also struggle with feeling romantic and sexual attractions to women but only sexually at actions to guys. Which has always made me wonder if I was or wasn’t gay.
- Date posted
- 6y
before I had hocd i was comfortable with being bisexual and then once my hocd kicked in, it makes me obsess over my sexuality and freak out about it, which is something i would normally never do... it’s a really weird thing and I obviously know there’s nothing wrong with being gay because I identified as bisexual before my hocd but whenever it gets bad, it feels like it’s the end of the world. really confusing and weird
- Date posted
- 6y
@Camyrn so is it more of the not knowing as opposed to a fear?
- Date posted
- 6y
I have also met someone in a support group who came out as gay and was comfortably gay for ten years. He now often struggled with this in reverse. He ha
- Date posted
- 6y
thank you everyone for your responses!
- Date posted
- 6y
It’s not that you have any problem with gay people or anything it’s just like “oh shit what if I’m gay” but you’ve never been gay before and then because all of the stuff going on in your head you look at women that before HOCD you would have fancied and aren’t attracted to them because you’re forcing yourself to be attracted. Then you start thinking I must be attracted to men and then you start noticing the attributes of men that everyone notices (strong jaw line, big biceps, etc.) and you see this as confirmation that you are gay but the thought of being with another man does not comfort you, it freaks you the fuck out. You only desire to be with women but feel as though you don’t have a choice in the matter and your need to control takes over and you begin to make concise arguments as to what your orientation is (being a lawyer this is very tough, I’m trained to make strong arguments) and then you’re stuck in limbo as I call it. You’re afraid of being gay but if you were you’d have to live with it so fuck it, what can you do? But you know in your heart of hearts that that’s not you and you enter an identity crisis. Hope this explains
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 12w
How can you tell if it’s SOOCD, being in denial or sexual orientation fluid change? I really really hope it’s just SOOCD but I suffer so much from the loss of attraction to opposite gender and severe‘false’ attraction to same gender. It makes me feel sick and want to cry every time I have false attractions. I find it so difficult I feel my entire life has flipped and been destroyed.
- Date posted
- 6w
I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.
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