- Username
- Anonymous2020
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Sit with the uncertainty. No one on this app is inside your mind to know so you have to learn to sit with the uncertainty of what it means or could mean otherwise you’ll never get better
not to reassure you because by doing this i am myself seeking reassurance, but i guess it's SOOCD? because i get it too, i would be imagining scenarios to see how i would react and sometimes i don't mind it, or it feels like what i want and feels so real but like OMG I DON'T WANT THAT i don't want to be with women so i guess it's ocd, actually i hope so because i fear that i'm in denial but then i have seen so many other peoole on here with this theme and plenty of others saying that their fears sometisomes seem so true and as if it's what they really want so yeah i guess it's ocd
people*** sometimes***
As a person with SOOCD, this is definitely something I have done before, and it creates so much uncertainty and anxiety that you get stuck, and any attempt at rationalising leads to nothing, and you’re still stuck on whether you would like to go on a date with a girl. I can conceive of a reality where I’m happy and enjoying something that in actual reality, I wouldn’t, for example - I don’t like running. (Of course I can learn to like running, but for the sake of this example - I don’t like running). I can imagine myself running in a field in complete bliss, but in reality, I would not like to run through a field, at least in this point in time. Your imagination can create anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s reflective of reality. And with my example, I don’t feel like testing it out if I would like to run through a field. Of course, there is a slim chance that, if I test it out right this minute, I could find that it IS blissful, and I do really love running through a field. But, I’m gonna live with that uncertainty, and that’s okay. Hopefully that was helpful!! And yeah, the thought could have something to do with the friend situation.
Thank you so much!! It really does help!!
It all started two months ago when I was making scenarios in my head to fall asleep.. i was imagining myself kissing a man and then it turned into a woman. The moment that happened, I opened my eyes and panicked.. it was complete panic, i started sweating, crying and I couldn’t function anymore. I started asking myself “am i gay”, “i have to come out to my boyfriend”, “i have to come out to everyone”, it was all within the span of 10 minutes… soooo overwhelming!! My mind acted as if I was gay, I lost my sense of identity, I couldn’t even trust myself anymore even when I reassured myself. It was such an awful cycle, to look at any person, a man to make sure i was straight, and a woman to make sure I wasn’t gay… i feel ashamed saying this. If i looked at a woman a certain way, like oh she’s pretty, my mind would say yes u see ur gay. After two months, I imagine any interest with a female stranger as a confirmation of being gay, I’m so nervous all the time, i start sweating and checking for groinal responses (the worst is when the response happens).. i cant afford a session with a therapist now, and i keep saying that i dont have OCD, im in denial, and that one day ill be gay. Can someone offer some insight on wether this sounds like OCD?
I haven’t really had a lot of trouble with my SO-OCD intrusive thoughts for a while, but I just got really triggered by one of my friends. I’m a straight female and I recently discovered the singer Chappell Roan, who sings primarily about LGBTQ+ and lesbian experiences. Listening to her music was a big deal for me because normally that sort of thing would trigger me, but it’s pretty catchy to me and a few of my friends (who happen to be lesbian) thought it was cool and were happy I was into the same music they were into. Well today, I sent them a text that I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole with her music and am starting to watch her interviews, which is something I usually do when I discover a new artist (I tend to hyperfixate on things a lot). After sending this text, one of my friends said “are you sure you’re not gay” which sent me into an intrusive thought spiral. In the past, she’s said I set off her “gaydar” which was also really triggering to me. My brain keeps telling me that if I come off that way, it must mean I’m lying to myself and I’m actually a lesbian. I wanted to tell her that I have SO-OCD and those types of comments trigger me, but I don’t want her to take it as me not being accepting of gay people. I felt like I finally got to a place where I’m confident I’m straight and now my brain is trying to trick me into thinking I’m lying to myself and it really sucks. I’m really just posting this because I don’t feel like anyone in my life would understand what these thoughts even feel like and it’s just awful.
Hi guys, do you ever feel, even when the anxious feelings are gone (and your not in the back door spike window) that you still dont know who you are and what you're afraid of ( for instance in this case, not being straight) is actually true and that whole OCD cycle you're in might or might not be OCD but it doesnt matter because you're just using it as a way of proving that what you're feeling is normal and not actually face the truth? these are my thoughts right now... I was doing well, but even when I am doing well I still think about those stuff idk... like how do I know what true love is? am I faking my love for my bf and one day I'll be tired and actually just "want to accept the truth because its lighter?" becaus at that point I really feel like I'm in a movie and just playing the role of someone. Between renée rapp coming out as a lesbian after saying she was bi and sophia bush an Chrishell stause falling in love with women after being with men all their life its been kind of a triggering week (even tho when I learned it felt like I was happy like yes! they're a part of the lgbtq+ community as if I was part of that community too which triggered me even more) PS : no disprespect to anyone I'm just really triggered and confused!!
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