My brother just came out to me as bisexual and nonbinary. Of course I’m happy for them and want them to be comfortable with themselves and how they identify, but I’m freaking out slightly. The reason I’m freaking out is to do with my HOCD, I’m scared that because I’m related to them and because they’re bi it means I must be too, like if it’s some sort of genetic thing. All my friends who are gay/bi all of their siblings are too. I’m also freaking out because change is a huge anxiety filled thing for me, I’m very very scared of it, so changing my brothers pronouns (they said I can still call them brother for now), might take a lot of getting used to. I don’t want to slip up and upset them, and I also worry about them and how family members are going to take it, because I know most won’t understand unfortunately, which means I’m going to be the one my brother goes to for supper- which is fine! But with this theme this is going to be a HUGE exposure for me and I’m scared :( I love them so much and want them to be happy, so why is this scaring me a little? I’m so sorry if this is also insensitive in anyway, I’m in full support of all genders/ identities and sexualities, but this theme plays with my head :(

Sexual Orientation OCD

Susan4444

Date posted: 4y

It sounds like you are an amazing sister! Seriously, your sibling is so lucky to have you and have your support. Try as hard as you can drop the guilt and recognize that having ocd is about struggling with uncertainty and noting to feel guilty about. I always would feel guilty, like I wasn’t a good enough ally to lgbtq friends because I had hocd thoughts but had to remind myself over and over that ocd is about uncertainty. Your actions are what matters and it sounds like you have supported your sibling. Yeah change is so hard! I think you could use this as motivation to do therapy and get better. If you are going to see them a lot, wouldn’t it be great if you could see them without being anxious! That might help you feel committed to do the erp, etc.

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

Awh thank you so much, I do love my sibling so much, they’re always there for me so I’d do anything for them honestly. And yes I feel the same, I have friends who are lgbtq and I always feel awful about having this theme, especially when I read stuff like “having lgbtq friends means you probably are too” which makes me freak out and want to distance myself :( I’ve actually been through therapy but I still have a long way to go! I’m gonna try think of some exposures to do around this kind of thing so it doesn’t effect me as much for my brothers sake :)

stop.

Date posted: 4y

Yes! I always feel guilty like I’m not a good enough ally. It’s hard for me to get over though because that guilt/fear of being homophobic is another obsession of mine :/

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

@stop. Same it’s really tricky! For example now I’m terrified I’m going to slip up and get angry at my brother and misgender them on purpose to upset them, obviously something I’d never do! But I’m so scared I will :(

SonicBoom

Date posted: 4y

Do they know about your HOCD? What you’re feeling is very normal. Make it known to your brother that you love them & want to support them. As far as genetics go...I know a lot of people who are gay and have straight siblings. So just because your brother is bi, doesn’t necessarily mean you are!

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for your help! They know I have ocd and have a taboo ish theme which i don’t share and they’re very supportive about it but no they don’t know about my HOCD. And yeah I know deep down that their sexuality doesn’t define mine but it always crossed my mind

Melodyocd

Date posted: 4y

I feel so guilty also for even feeling this way in the first place :( I want them to be amazing and feel amazing as I love them so much, they’re my best friend

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