Hello! My name is Alexandra Davidson and I’m new to this community. I haven’t done therapy yet on here, as they do not currently accept my insurance, but the community is nice to have for now! I have recently been noticing some pretty severe problems going on with myself that I have not opened up about, but I finally see a psychiatrist this month. I’ve never been officially diagnosed with OCD, but a CBT specialist once told me she believes I have it. I struggle with a few different problems in the realm of OCD. One is that I have 5 chronic illnesses (we are in the process of a 6th diagnosis) and I worry all of the time about certain illnesses. I make sure I do nothing that can trigger or start that certain illness. For example, I don’t wear a tampon because I am terrified of toxic shock syndrome. Second is that I have very persistent fear of infertility, to the point where I am actually getting an infertility test and stopping my birth control just to be sure I don’t have any issues there. Thinking about the fact that I may not be fertile makes me anxious and I break down, and sometimes cry myself to sleep because of it. I want to make sure I don’t have PCOS or Endometriosis because I was once told I have blood results that could mean PCOS, and I have symptoms of them both. I go to see a GYN on the 11th and I’m seeing a ENDO on the 10th merely because of my fear. Thirdly, I have intrusive thoughts that I have to go to major lengths to make disappear, and it only lasts for a bit of time before another one comes back. I am constantly worried I upset someone, and if I think I upset them, my brain tells me they are going to kill themselves because of me. If someone is upset with me or mad at me, my brain tells me that I should just kill myself. I’ve never been suicidal and I don’t self harm, but the thoughts are so bad that I take my moms xanax once and awhile just to relax, and I take sleeping pills (which are per scripted) just so I can fall asleep and forget about it momentarily. I have many more intrusive thoughts, some which actually make me vomit. Fourthly that I will discuss are my compulsions. Sometimes they are so random that I can’t help but laugh afterwards, but some are dangerous. For example, a random compulsion is doing three spins before the microwave beeps, and if it’s still going, I need to do three more or I think something bad is going to happen. A dangerous one, one I got today, was the compulsion to place my hand on top of a hot grill. I did it very quickly, and I put it under cold water for a bit after. It’s very distressing because I don’t want to injure myself in anyway but I feel as if I’m being forced to do these actions. I feel as if I don’t have control over myself. And lastly, I have this tic that’s very annoying. It feels almost as if I’m about to shiver, but instead my head jerks in a very involuntary and odd way. It sometimes hurts because of how often it happens and I get neck cramps. It’s embarrassing when these things happen at work, or when I need to stay still at the dentist for an X-RAY or an MRI at the doctor. I’m wondering if anyone can relate to any of these things and if it sounds like OCD or if it could be something else. My thought was always it’s probably OCD, but even if it is, I don’t know how to manage it. I really love my life, but OCD is ruining so many things for me. Sorry for the long post. Thank you guys so much if you read this.