What if you think people in your life are deliberately trying to trigger your sexual orientation ocd? I ended up watching pornography that didn't align with my sexual orientation and it got pretty graphic and weird and I think my fiancees family somehow saw my history. I mentioned this before but there is yet another trigger I think they left for me to see that is supposed to represent the graphic pornography I watched. I feel I want to tell my therapist exactly what it is but I'm so embarrassed. I keep getting triggered over and over again and I really think it's on purpose but I can't bring it to attention because then it will be known what I watched and what I've been going through. I don't know how to handle this. Anyone else feel like they can't even say exactly what they are dealing with, without their whole world falling apart?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

i understand how debilitating it is, especially with the of opening up completely about past experiences as some people might rush to label your sexuality as something that doesn't align with what you really are, which will trigger you because well this is your theme but remember that keeping stuff away from your therapist will make you drown even more, will make you feel bad as your ocd will not only latch onto the thoughts, but also onto the fact that you haven't spoken up about it and will turn it against you because well, that's what it does with everything else right?? my advice for you, if you wish to take it, is to tell your therapist no matter how hard it is just take your time. but keeping stuff to yourself will make it impossible for you to fully recover, and if you do get better, it may be the reason this specific theme might come back some time later in the future

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

I definitely feel like I need to tell them more. I want to get this off of my chest. Do you think telling them the exact details is necessary? It just gets pretty graphic and don't want to gross them out or anything. There is so much shame that comes with this,but I have wanted to tell them everything... I appreciate the feedback.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous go in as much as detail as you are capable of, but if it starts making you uncomfortable, stop this is not to reassure you, but we're all human beings, we've all watched porn, we all have questionable fantasies as long as you're not the one who's uncomfortable, keep going because taking if off your chest will be the BIGGEST step towarde recovery, because then you'll be ridiculising one of your biggest fears and one of the thoughts that trigger you the most don't go too deep into details if you're not comfortable yet, but try opening the subject because then with the help of someone, you'll be able to get over it i really wish you the best, just don't take this big leap unless you're ready for it

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@kingjames23 True. I know I need to tell them the jist of what else is going on at least.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@Nour04 I feel you. I think I am ready to say some more for sure. If I don't end up saying everything right away, I know I will soon. I've been uncomfortable with this long enough.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

@Anonymous take it step by step and at your own pace you'll eventually get there

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

That's pretty much exactly how I feel. I don't even know if I should say everything to my therapist you know.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

It will be hard, but I'll try to. Thank you

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

with the fear*** in the second line lol

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Thank you both for your help

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