I don’t want to sleep because the moment I close my eyes thoughts come in and I snap my eyes back open, the thoughts are just too horrible

It’s so hard. I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with that too. Some nights are better for me than others, but it usually takes me a few hours to get to sleep. I start getting anxious at even the thought of laying down in bed to try to sleep (it’s especially bad because I have PTSD and nightmares every single night and want to avoid them at all costs). My advice is literally do whatever your brain tells you would bring you some comfort in the moment. Sleep with all the lights on if you want. My bed is covered in stuffed animals b/c they make me feel safe. Throw your comforter in the drier. Spray your bed with your favorite smell. If it sounds cozy, literally buy a baby crib and sleep in that. Stick those glowing stars on the ceiling, decorate your room with fairy lights so it’s never too dark, fall asleep to the same movie every night, watch videos on your phone until your eyes get tired. Anything that comes to mind that sounds comforting and relaxing, you should do it for yourself. There are no rules. I even tried starting up a habit of sucking my thumb to see if that would work lol I couldn’t get into it but I tried! The things that have helped me the most are things I do to change my environment and set a routine for sleep. I always brush my teeth and take my meds last thing before bed, so now the feeling of doing it gets me a bit sleepy in itself. I like to have the TV on a funny show, and I usually have it loud enough to make a noise but not too loud that I can hear the dialogue and get distracted/kept awake. I have a fan for white noise and because the room being super cold helps me fall sleep. Treat yourself to whatever you need to feel safe and relaxed before you even start to get ready for bed. I hope you start resting easier my friend.

@booba Thank you for all the advice!! I know, it’s wild. Everyone says to stay away from blue lights before bed because it’s bad for your eyes and your mental well being. But if I don’t do something to comfort and/or distract myself, I will freak out and will not sleep. So I have to stay on my phone. I also have comforting things that I use to get to sleep. I fall asleep to Gilmore Girls every single night lol. I grew up watching it so it’s just cozy to me. It always makes me feel safe. Some nights are fine. Other nights aren’t too great. And some nights I just don’t sleep at all- every single time I start to fall asleep I suddenly get a terrified feeling, sometimes a falling sensation. And then horrible thoughts. And it will continue to happen every time I’m starting to drift. But some nights I’ll be able to fall asleep with no issue. OCD definitely likes to get to us when we’re alone and there isn’t much to distract us, especially when we’re trying to unwind. Nights are tough, I’m also sorry you’re dealing with it. Stay strong, and everyone in the NOCD app is always willing to talk ❤️