- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
i really don't mean to give you reassurance but thank god you decided to post this!! i relate like a lot! lately the anxiety has subsided but the thoughts sound more like "you know you're gay just accept it" and it drives me crazy but i still manage not to worry as much as before which makes it worse because it feels like it's true and it's what i want. and as the other user said too, i worry whenever i don't notice guys as much as my friends, ans i also worry that when i do it's comphet just want you to know that you're not alone in this, and yes i have been scared to talk about this because what if no one else experiences this and it proves i don't have hocd and i'm rather gay, but remember that as many as there are common symptoms, everyone may also get thoughts and symptoms and experience any type of ocd differently keep going, you're so strong and i admire you for coming all this way and actually posting this!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
I worry that I don’t look at guys the same way as my friends either, but I don’t know if it’s just bc I have theme and so I overanalyse it. Like my friends will say “oh he’s so hot” and I sit there and check to see if I find him hot, but ngl I’ve kinda forgotten since having this for a while what attraction feels like? Like I’ve experienced loss of attraction throughout all of this to the point where I feel like I can’t even tell if a guys hot anymore without worrying it’s just comphet. I also get what you mean about the dull nagging feeling! It’s like this weird feeling that’s always there which “feels like I’m gay”, I think it’s just anxiety tho?
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t want to give you reassurance but I totally relate to this! I just made a post about it. And yeah some Melodyocd, I have no idea what attraction feels like anymore and I’m now so scared I’m asexual, there’s nothing wrong with being asexual at all but it’s something I really don’t want to be. This all scares me so much! About 10 times today I had to talk back to my thoughts. Sorry about my super negative message, today’s been a bad day for it. Don’t know who I am anymore 😔
- Date posted
- 4y
@Smile941 I also worry I’m asexual sometimes, what makes it worse for me was before I had this theme I worried I wasn’t sexual enough too :( and don’t worry we all have bad days with this, I’ve had a fair few recently. I’m trying so hard to accept the uncertainty but I’m finding it so difficult because I just wanna know who I am :( I wanna go back to crushing on boys like mad, but not I’m just constantly fearing it’s comphet ughh
- Date posted
- 4y
@Melodyocd Bless you! I totally understand how you feel 😞. Yeah it’s very scary isn’t it, the thought of being asexual makes me very sad. I don’t know if this is the back door spike or denial anymore
- Date posted
- 4y
@Smile941 Yeah that thoughts is always scary, my therapist always says we have to go in with the “maybe it’s denial, maybe it’s not” answers whenever we get these kinda thoughts, which is terrifying, but I guess it’s to help us try not giving a shit and accepting the uncertainty haha
- Date posted
- 4y
@Melodyocd Okay I will try that, thank you! I’ve only just started with my therapist so I’m not 100% sure what I should be doing. Thank you, hope you’re okay!!
- Date posted
- 4y
I also don’t look at guys the same way my friends do. It’s so scary
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 10w
I don't usually post on here because it could end up becoming a compulsion or could be seen as reassurance seeking but I think I just need a place to vent and to also get some encouragement and peer support. I am really struggling with my intrusive thoughts and feelings today. All of it feels extremely real and convincing. Right now, I feel thoroughly convinced that I have already identified as either a lesbian or bisexual. I have been diagnosed with OCD by both a psychiatrist and a psychologist years ago and I still feel convinced that it isn't OCD. I keep feeling as if I am just using OCD as a cover-up / as an excuse to deny my “actual” sexual orientation / to hide the “fact that I'm actually lesbian / bisexual”. I have been practicing ERP whenever my schedule allows but it's tough... ERP typically works for me but on days like today, it doesn't seem to be working and that makes me doubt if I have OCD or not. At the same time, I am also convinced that ERP isn't working and I am secretly in denial / struggle with comphet / have internalised homophobia (which makes it worse because my family is homophobic and most of my intrusive thoughts have been targeting that / using that as evidence). Feeling really scared and hopeless... 😞
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