I’ve actually tried writing this multiple times and keep getting scared. Scared because - I don’t want to be the exception. I recognize that this is typical OCD, but my OCD has been manifesting itself not in anxiety - mostly it’s just this dull nagging feeling. This feeling says that I know I’m gay - it’s like I can feel that it’s true. Yet it’s not a clarity - it just feels like this truth that I don’t want to accept. Writing this and not erasing it - is in a way an exposure so I’m going to post this. Because as I reread it, I’m scared that if I post it - people will read it and be like- oh yes that is different from everyone else. I think she’s actually gay. I try to accept the thoughts as they are - thoughts, but then things like friends will comment about cute guys and suddenly I’m reminded that maybe I don’t notice guys as much as them therefore : I’m gay. I’m trying to lean into the uncertainty - just this dull nagging starts drilling in deep overtime.

i really don't mean to give you reassurance but thank god you decided to post this!! i relate like a lot! lately the anxiety has subsided but the thoughts sound more like "you know you're gay just accept it" and it drives me crazy but i still manage not to worry as much as before which makes it worse because it feels like it's true and it's what i want. and as the other user said too, i worry whenever i don't notice guys as much as my friends, ans i also worry that when i do it's comphet just want you to know that you're not alone in this, and yes i have been scared to talk about this because what if no one else experiences this and it proves i don't have hocd and i'm rather gay, but remember that as many as there are common symptoms, everyone may also get thoughts and symptoms and experience any type of ocd differently keep going, you're so strong and i admire you for coming all this way and actually posting this!!!

I worry that I don’t look at guys the same way as my friends either, but I don’t know if it’s just bc I have theme and so I overanalyse it. Like my friends will say “oh he’s so hot” and I sit there and check to see if I find him hot, but ngl I’ve kinda forgotten since having this for a while what attraction feels like? Like I’ve experienced loss of attraction throughout all of this to the point where I feel like I can’t even tell if a guys hot anymore without worrying it’s just comphet. I also get what you mean about the dull nagging feeling! It’s like this weird feeling that’s always there which “feels like I’m gay”, I think it’s just anxiety tho?

I also don’t look at guys the same way my friends do. It’s so scary