- Username
- tay-ocd
- Date posted
- 3y ago
i really don't mean to give you reassurance but thank god you decided to post this!! i relate like a lot! lately the anxiety has subsided but the thoughts sound more like "you know you're gay just accept it" and it drives me crazy but i still manage not to worry as much as before which makes it worse because it feels like it's true and it's what i want. and as the other user said too, i worry whenever i don't notice guys as much as my friends, ans i also worry that when i do it's comphet just want you to know that you're not alone in this, and yes i have been scared to talk about this because what if no one else experiences this and it proves i don't have hocd and i'm rather gay, but remember that as many as there are common symptoms, everyone may also get thoughts and symptoms and experience any type of ocd differently keep going, you're so strong and i admire you for coming all this way and actually posting this!!!
I worry that I don’t look at guys the same way as my friends either, but I don’t know if it’s just bc I have theme and so I overanalyse it. Like my friends will say “oh he’s so hot” and I sit there and check to see if I find him hot, but ngl I’ve kinda forgotten since having this for a while what attraction feels like? Like I’ve experienced loss of attraction throughout all of this to the point where I feel like I can’t even tell if a guys hot anymore without worrying it’s just comphet. I also get what you mean about the dull nagging feeling! It’s like this weird feeling that’s always there which “feels like I’m gay”, I think it’s just anxiety tho?
I don’t want to give you reassurance but I totally relate to this! I just made a post about it. And yeah some Melodyocd, I have no idea what attraction feels like anymore and I’m now so scared I’m asexual, there’s nothing wrong with being asexual at all but it’s something I really don’t want to be. This all scares me so much! About 10 times today I had to talk back to my thoughts. Sorry about my super negative message, today’s been a bad day for it. Don’t know who I am anymore 😔
@Smile941 I also worry I’m asexual sometimes, what makes it worse for me was before I had this theme I worried I wasn’t sexual enough too :( and don’t worry we all have bad days with this, I’ve had a fair few recently. I’m trying so hard to accept the uncertainty but I’m finding it so difficult because I just wanna know who I am :( I wanna go back to crushing on boys like mad, but not I’m just constantly fearing it’s comphet ughh
@Melodyocd Bless you! I totally understand how you feel 😞. Yeah it’s very scary isn’t it, the thought of being asexual makes me very sad. I don’t know if this is the back door spike or denial anymore
@Smile941 Yeah that thoughts is always scary, my therapist always says we have to go in with the “maybe it’s denial, maybe it’s not” answers whenever we get these kinda thoughts, which is terrifying, but I guess it’s to help us try not giving a shit and accepting the uncertainty haha
@Melodyocd Okay I will try that, thank you! I’ve only just started with my therapist so I’m not 100% sure what I should be doing. Thank you, hope you’re okay!!
I also don’t look at guys the same way my friends do. It’s so scary
Beyond the what ifs - Does anyone else feel like their OCD tells them they have to be gay... I don’t want to be with a woman but it feels like I have to be gay. I’m trying to tell myself it’s OCD and that it’s a lie...but what if it isn’t? What if I’m lying to myself that I don’t want to be with a woman but I actually do?
Ok so just now I got a really bad intrusive thought it was “what if I’m actually gay” but I’m trying to handle it as good as I can. I’m always nervous that I don’t actually have ocd and I’m just denying that I’m gay. I almost did a compulsion, it was to look at pictures of girls (not naked just normal pictures) to see if I was attracted to them in a way that I would be considered a lesbian, but I stopped myself. I’m going to allow these thoughts to sit and make me upset. I’m not anxious but I think that’s just because I’m getting over the thoughts. I’m not going to look through this app and try to find reassurance I’m going to make sure I don’t make myself feel better. I’m home alone right now so my thoughts are wondering, I’m thinking a lot. I’m going to play games to kind of separate my thoughts, and make myself feel calm. Games have always been a big part of my life, I love games so that will bring me joy. I wanted to post this just so I could show myself that I can get through hard times, and hopefully this will help someone else!
If the uncertainty leads me to accept the thing i am running away from how was that not true and if the uncertainty the may be or maybe not in the future gets me to do something i might be in denial of what then?!? This is a possibility and a big one cause if i would have been so sure if myself why would i even question in the first place…And with uncertainty how do i know anything for sure and people who don't know will say they are gender queer so how am i not that.….. ¡ have stopped feeling the anxiety and all these feel real and I don't even react to it cause i am tired and numb to them its like I don't know who i am anymore and everyone with soocd constantly says they know they are straight or whatever and i used to earlier and now I don't why dont i?! Why do i feel like thats a lie or could be a lie and my brain has confused my emotions and feelings to the point where nothing feels real anymore and i feel like an imposter and someone who doesn't know who she is and is suffering…… is this ocd doing this or my thoughts being real just me not realising? Is this ocd i am constantly trying to figure out if the thoughts are real or not and then i say if its real i type all this because i am scared and fear and in denial like where does this end?!
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