I always feel more comfortable talking about guys romantically than girls & my mind is telling me thats because of like society and not me actually liking guys even though everyone i know that’s lgbtq felt the opposite regardless of who they talked too And everyone surrounding me is accepting if i were But i just feel more comfortable talking about guys than girls in romantic aspects

Same :( And i feel like i relate to some things in comphet But i had this one guy i loved for 3 years and still do (hes my ex) but we dont talk anymore and i wanted a life with him way back when i was in love And the other thing i dont relate to is i dont wish i was a lesbian, i wanna be straight:( But my mind literally just went “why do you wanna be straight? Guys are so bleh and gross” And im like :( Cause i am attracted to guys and just feel more comfortable w/ thoughts of them romantically & physically rather than girls The thoughts of girls give me so much anxiety and idek at this point

@hate_ocd.123 i understand everything i promise you're not alone. especially with this "men are trash" thing it makes people(including me before ocd-i hope it's ocd-)that being a lesbian is "cooler" and "better" but i don't want it, i don't want girls but at this point i'm not sure anymore because "what if i like it? what if i am denying it?" i have been doing good for about 2 weeks but these last 3 days were horrible, and today especially. i just don't want to be with a woman but then i worry that saying this means i am gay in denial

@Nour04 I get the worse anxiety from my childhood and looking through my childhood Like i always has crushes on guys and i called them cute and would chase them as a kid never girls But like there was normal childhood experimentation, i watched / read porn regardless of gender until i was 11 but never fantasized about myself in that situation w/ anyone, had girl idols (like miley cyrus / hannah montana), wanted to be friends w/ certain girls cause they were popular and i wanted to be popular (at least i think that was it, cause it continued all the way through hs the want to be popular and well liked, cause u never was) and yeah But i never touched girls (i was the one that was touched or would show), i never had crushes on girls or liked girls, i always got uncomfortable w/ girl friends after like those childhood things, and i knew what being gay was since i was like 7 and never thought it was me until hocd I just never had a second thought it makes no sense But im so scared i had a childhood that was like lesbian/gay and im scared i looked up stuff that i dont remember looking up / like false memories trying to force me or imagine up stuff and im just so lost and confused

@Nour04 Do you think that makes me gay:(

@hate_ocd.123 listen, i get that too. i even got naked with my girl best friend when i was like 9-10. i hated it and wanted it deleted from my mind. i did it because i felt like i had to, she was my only friend and i never had friends before because i was called a nerd and stuff...not important. i remember hating it and wanting it deleted from my mind but now my brain tells me i liked it and wanted it and it proves i'm a lesbian what i am getting to is, if it meant nothing back then then it probably means nothing, and everyone has had a "gay experience" as a kid, doesn't make us gay because we're all curious beings

@Nour04 Im scared mine did tho cause i sometimesnwas the one that started it & i only ever has close girl friends & not guys but never saw them romantic or as partners And guys i always tried to kiss them & i never once tried kissing a girl (except my cousins at like 5-6, cause i asked if they ever kissed a girl, and they said yes and it was each other, but that was more funny and normal lol) But idk im scared mine is different:(

@Nour04 I just never remmeber wanting to be physical w/ a girl as a kid or experiencing attraction

@hate_ocd.123 Or romantic like how i chased boys, had crushes on boys, kissed boys, called them cute, etc.

@Nour04 And when all this was like 4-9, and then it stopped. When i was 10 i went on a trip with an old friend who was gay and she tried to get naked and like strip and show off down there, and i shielded my eyes and told her too stop and put back on her towel and she was like “why” and i was like “because that’s disgusting” and i was so uncomfy the rest of the trip And then i always just got uncomfortable feelings after I did that w/ my friends But i was sometimes the one that started it and im scared its cause im a lesbian :(

@Nour04 Like i felt dirty & uncomfy, not how i did when i kissed guys as a child And im scared it was because i knew it wasn’t okay and that i was gay bt i never remember being attracted to them They always did things too me / it was always me, i never touched them and that stuff Idek im so scared:(

I never fantasized about sex w/ a girl or being with a girl And i would fantasize about being w/ a guy My “fantasies” about girls were of me riding on the back of the motorcyle of my husband and i had a baby on my back and my best friend / sister was beside me with her husband And im like That’s not gay But im scared i only did that cause thats what i was taught However, my gay friends did the opposite or saw themselves as the guy and i never did They were never w/ me Im just so scared:(

@hate_ocd.123 i understand how scary it can be i promise you're not alone try meditating or listening to calming music

@Nour04 if it helps aw a kid, and still now, i "play the role of the guy" with my friends. like when slow dancing playfully and for fun, i'm the guy mostly because they take the girl's place immediately and i'm like okay with it. it worries me sometimes but i never thought much of it of like wanting to be the guy and having a girl by my side and stuff

@Nour04 See i never played the role as the guy, i always played the kid And like i cant be touched by girls without having anxiety and worrying i was attracted to them But before this i was able to hug girls, sit on their laps, and be normal without being scared i was attracted to them and i never saw it as “oooooo” i just saw it as like “okay whatever” and i always loved getting my hair played w/ and makeup done (still do) but now all that would cause intrusive thoughts and id be scared im attracted to them Its so annoying cause all the stuff i said above is so normal ugh i hate this sm

@hate_ocd.123 I know how hard it can be, but you're strong enough and i believe in you, you have my full support and are welcome to vent whenever!