I’m just so exhausted

I do, thank you. :) my brain is just hardwired to throw all these thoughts at me and it really sucks. None of it makes me happy or feel good but I can’t let it go

@PinkLotus yes i have those thoughts too , and i know they suck but just know u live ur life the way u want to not the way ur brain thinks u should 🥰

@usjsjdjdjd Thank you I truly appreciate it! How are you doing?

@PinkLotus i'm okay the ocd went away for a while but now it's back and even stronger sadly

@usjsjdjdjd Oh no I’m sorry to hear that :( what theme? If that’s not too personal

@PinkLotus the same one as u (: the sexual orientation ocd

@usjsjdjdjd It’s so draining, it sucks but hey you’re not alone :$

@PinkLotus :)*

@PinkLotus yeah ik but it's so hard

@usjsjdjdjd It really is

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling :(

Just feel like there’s too much “evidence” ya know?

@PinkLotus yeah i too am struggling with this right now. too much proof and i am convinced i am in denial. i can't really be any good at the advice, but all i can offer is my support. and if you want to rant i am here

@Nour04 Likewise :) I know you’ve been struggling a lot lately but you’re not alone

@PinkLotus i just feel so numb too it's all so disgusting how are you doing today?

@Nour04 About the same, I fell into a rabbit hole. I’m exhausted

@PinkLotus want to talk about it?

@Nour04 Yes, thank you. :) I’m just scared that when I see my long distance partner again I’ll never truly be able to enjoy it the way I want. How are you doing?

@PinkLotus long distance is difficult, especially if your love language is physical touch and cuddling and stuff. and this is ocd trying to ruin for you something that you're excited for and cherish a lot, which is the return of your partner. i am not great at the advice but i could suggest you make plans for his return and try to enjoy them as much as you can. it may all seem a lie, but if you didn't care that much this wouldn't worry you in the first place. and about me tbh i don't know anymore, i just don't know

@Nour04 It’s been 8 months since he joined the military and I miss him so much, it’s just this constant thing I carry around. Our love language definitely was a lot of touching so it’s difficult but my ocd also tries to ruin it because I’m not a very affectionate person at all so there were times that I felt awkward and unsure which is “proof” that I’m just forcing it. He comes back in September! I’m super excited but I’m also super anxious and afraid that I’ll realize it’s not as special as I thought it was. I hate how ocd tries to take everything from you. But I understand that feeling, I’m the same I genuinely just don’t know who I am anymore.

@PinkLotus I am sorry to intrude but did you start dating before this theme of yours?

@Nour04 It’s alright you’re not intruding and yes I did :) but I got rocd 3 months into the relationship

@PinkLotus not to reassure you, but just try trusting your old self, back when all of this wasn't happening and back when you felt like yourself and weren't in this tormented state of not sering stuff clearly because of ocd.

@Nour04 Thank you for that :) I truly do try it’s just difficult sometimes because even before this theme my ocd made me question a lot but I know deep down that I truly want to be with him and have a strong physical and emotional bond. 🥲

@PinkLotus i can clearly see that. if it weren't the case, both of you would have given up on this relationship because ocd makes it so hard, but you keep on fighting for it.

@Nour04 Thank you truly ❤️❤️❤️

Yup I feel the same it’s like I know I’m in denial

@PinkLotus I feel like I have to come out and just get it over with and it feels awful, I’m so depressed

@NOCD4me@123 You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, you are always in control not your thoughts

Thank you and youre so right, one way or another we will survive :)