Comphet masterdoc is so triggering when it feels like i can relate to everything:(

Wdym??

And oh yeah it causes me so many meltdowns

@hate_ocd.123 Like do you have the link for the master docs bookmarked or saved or whatever? I was trying to say, make sure they aren’t easily accessible to you so you don’t do compulsions

@NOCD4me@123 No i dont i only go on it and look it up through google when i am compulsing

@hate_ocd.123 Maybe see if you can get the link blocked? For your own sanity so you don’t perform the compulsion. It might help! I know not performing the compulsion feels agonizing but it makes your OCD worse and feeds the beast. Better to take the anxiety of not doing the compulsion than the chance your OCD monster could grow!

@NOCD4me@123 Ill check it out but it feels so real rn

@hate_ocd.123 I know it feels real. Mine feels really real right now too. But I know I won’t get anywhere useful by googling the hell out of it…which I started to do earlier today and stopped myself soon enough. You’re not alone. There are many of us who are struggling with feeling in denial or that it is all real. All we can do is be here for each other and try to use CBT and ERP to help get to a better place. I’m here to talk if you need it.

@NOCD4me@123 Thank you. The biggest part is the lack of attraction to men, and suddenly feeling uncomfortable / weird w/ the thoughts of guys. It’s like anything I fear happens now, or that I fear that I’ll feel i end up feeling:( Have you experienced that?

@NOCD4me@123 And like when i test if id rather be approached by a woman or male or do intimate things w/ them, it feels more anxiety now w/ the thoughts of guys and it makes me so sad. Cause i know i dont have to do anything cause i dont wnat to, but w/ guys im scared if i dont wanna do something that means im gay / if i dont like it that means im gay / and yeah:(

@NOCD4me@123 Like it feels so real and i feel like im gay and dont like men and like women but wont accept it And suddenly every girl is attractive and im so scared im attracted to them And suddenly when i think of men i feel disgust and discomfort and idk why And i know its normal for even straight girls too think there’s way more prettier girls than attractive men But i just wanna feel positive attraction again like how i did for my ex :( Whether its girls or guys i want it to be wanted and not so complicated Cause when i think of girls like that i get anxiety and sad and then i just worry its internalized homophobia and because im secretly homophobic (when im not) and i dont want it And when i think of guys like that i feel like im forcing it and dont even know what to feel but just wanna enjoy it I just wanna be like those girls that love guys and i cant be because i feel freaking gay:(

@NOCD4me@123 Please respond im doing rlly rlly bad

@hate_ocd.123 And then even now when i said im attracted to girls and like girls like that mh heart dropped, my head feels funny and i get nauseous and so freaking scared but i feel like im lying to myself And that i would like being w/ a girl if i just did it and im so freaking scared :(

@NOCD4me@123 And now im also starting to fear that it’s the lifestyle im scared of, not the being w/ girls, and the social outcome of it even though ill be supported Its just not what i want but im so confused and depressed and scared and am slowly being pushed to the brink 😭😭

@NOCD4me@123 Have you ever experienced any of this?

@hate_ocd.123 And atop that even right now my heart dropped that im attracted to woman cause i notice their bodies, but im so hyperfixated on them cause of hocd. I feel false attraction (i think) cause false attraction doesnt feel good and attractions suppose to feel good and i just get scared and keep testing and when i say im not attracted to them i just feel like im lying and its horrible

@hate_ocd.123 Hey I’m sorry I disappeared I fell asleep taking a nap! But yes I’ve experienced a lot of what you’re talking about. Almost everything you’ve said reminds me of myself at one time or another and even right now.