Unsure if I have ocd but if I do I think I have some sort of relationship type for sure, I have extreme thoughts about cheating on my partner or them cheating on me and then I’ll get mad and want to get back at them. I constantly think about downloading Grindr and having sex with other people and then(sometimes) developing stds unknowingly, transmitting it to them unknowingly and just not caring I have to tell my partner everything that happens, maybe compulsively maybe not. Very hazey on this part. So obviously the second half is not rooted in my reality. I go between hating my partner viciously to loving them so much and I don’t know what I’m capable of doing. I just have very intense thought spirals about this I’ve tried to combat this by saying “if I cheat, who cares? Whatever. I’ll download any app and have sex with whoever.” And sometimes it works but other times I just feel more alone and more “evil” (note: I know evil isn’t a real thing. Sort of reclaiming it but not at the same time.) Don’t really know what I want to gain out of posting this but I’ve been on a high stress roadtrip for almost a week and feel like I’m falling apart but also can’t afford to do that because I need to take care of my partner who is more fragile than me. Which I for the most part am ok with, but it feels like so much lately and inflames my Maybe-potentially ocd spirals (I’m not looking for reassurance on this, I have no where else to vent so trying this out I guess)

Relationship OCD

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

Do not tell your partner those thoughts. Thats giving your ocd too much power over your life and the feelings of your loved ones. It is compulsory. It will get better but the first step is not letting it wreck your surroundings and then practicing erp/ going through ocd treatment. If you truly need to just vent about these thoughts, tell them to a talk therapist instead of your partner.

602pm

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for the comment! I wasn’t too clear but when I have the reoccurring thoughts about cheating I haven’t been telling my partner (anymore at least, I use to but eventually stopped after learning more about ocd and how that worsens the thought spiral) I meant ‘I tell them everything that happens’ more literally. Like conversations or events that happened that day, so if I ever did do any of the things I *think* about doing , I would say something instead of being secretive and transmitting an std to them and not caring I really enjoy the ‘telling my thoughts to talk to my therapist instead of partner’ idea though I think that is very helpful! And less aggressive than my usual way of combatting thoughts

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

Listen self care has to come first or else you'll end up feeling so burned out you won't be take care of your partner AND yourself . Your partner has to take care of themselves too. There's some free ocd support groups you should look in to if you can afford one on one therapy

602pm

Date posted: 4y

Very true, I need to take this into account because I am feeling a burn out which in turn I think makes the thoughts inflamed. Thank you again

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