Hi, I'm writing here after reading lots o post about HOCD. I've been suffering from this for a long time (3 years more or less). It all started one day when an image of me kissing my best friend came to me suddenly. Then I started rumiating about that, also I started to look back to my childhood to look signals. 3 years ago it wasn't that convincing. (I also experienced the fear of hurting my family). But now that I have a girlfriend that I love so much (I had HOCD also),I can't take it anymore, when I see a male that seems handsome I feel like something in my gut and a feeling of blushing, I was so afraid at first but now I'm tired. I want to be who I was, I want to feel attraction again for girls and live a life full of joy. Sometimes I thought of ending everything in life to be at peace but I think that's the worst thing I could do. I don't know how to figure out who am I, sometimes I dont know what I like. I used to spend hours and hours researching on Google, reading posts on Instagram about OCD and why it's so convincing. I watch pics about males and I do not get turned on but sometimes I feel like I want that and I think I do not. Please someone can relate ? Thanks for reading.

Sexual Orientation OCD

gumzu

Date posted: 4y

Heyy, I hope you are doing okay. I have HOCD too and currently im going through a lot a few days ago i had a sexual intrusive dream about my friend since then ut has been causing me immense pain. I have a boyfriend and all I’m telling myself rn is that I’m currently in this and I don’t care what my sexuality is and there’s enough time for me to figure it out but its not necessary to figure it out now Right?! Try stalling the process of thinking about it. Try telling yourself I’ll get back to this later maybe an hour later. Its very difficult but when you show your brain there is no threats it understand. I know it must be difficult but please hold in tight it might be difficult but trust me ending things is not the answer

juango29

Date posted: 4y

I'll try this, but it's so difficult not to fall into compulsions or checking if you like the thoughts. Thanks !

girlwithocd..

Date posted: 4y

@juango29 Hey I don’t know if this will help you, but I have HOCD (I think I am nearly recovered) and I haven’t done erp, or I tried but it wasn’t something that helped me when I had extremely terrible days with doing compulsions. I read that you have to accept the thoughts and not argue with them. I really did not understand how to do it and skipped or did not try to do this. I thought it was irrelevant and useless because then I might find out I was gay. but one day I decided to try to accept my anxiety, also my generalized anxiety. I said to myself, okay now I have anxiety about this ... and I continued with this and now it has been several weeks without anxiety. This helped me, it wasn’t easy but after some days I got my life back.

girlwithocd..

Date posted: 4y

@🥰 And by accepting I mean to understand that you have thoughts and don’t control them. It worked for me, to say; okay I have anxiety about this and this.. and not react. then it decreased and went away.

formalino

Date posted: 4y

I'm feeling the same as you. Don't know if it could be a trigger but can that blushing and gut feeling be a feeling of admiration/jealousy? I mean, we need a sense of atractiveness for our own sex or else how can we make ourselves or feel atractive for someone else. Maybe if we focus too much on it, our insecurities translates in atraction, but it doesn't have to mean to "want to have sex" with that person, it can be proyection of ourselves into others.

juango29

Date posted: 4y

Yes could it be, but then the images in my head start popping and I feel disgusted most of the times , but other times it's so convincing. I think it's because I had this sh*t of OCD for this long period. Thanks for your answer by the way.

formalino

Date posted: 4y

@juango29 Yeah i know the feeling, weirldly i think the feeling of exictement and fear are very similar what changes is the interpretation of that emotion, so i think meditation can work in that sense.

juango29

Date posted: 4y

@formalino Okay I'll try this , I'm also doing exposures with an expert but treating my ROCD, I want to start the HOCD as soon as possible.

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