i just want someone to talk to on here but i’m having no luck. this app has been so comforting when i needed it the most and i am really having a hard time right now. every time i share an intimate moment with my boyfriend, even though i know i enjoy it and feel happy and in love, all of that goes always when i call myself gay after it happens. i feel so unlike myself because of these thoughts because i can no longer enjoy these small moments with my boyfriend without what feels like me purposely calling myself gay. i don’t know what our conscious is supposed to sound like, but whatever the voice is that is calling me is far from it. i get filled with anxiety and fear that i could just be in denial and lying to the boy i love, but my heart and soul and mind don’t match up. since the thoughts have gotten worse, i have been listening more to my heart and seeing how i feel deep in my soul, and i know that i was meant to be with men romantically. i am not opposed to being with women romantically at all; i think women are absolutely stunning and when they are great people, it just makes them more attractive to me, but i still don’t feel like i was meant to be with one long term the way that i feel i am supposed to be with men. sorry for this long post, i just feel better writing these things down because it helps me understand better what i am actually going through and helps me collects my thoughts better.

Sexual Orientation OCD

RaeRae1105

Date posted: 4y

Your feelings are valid. Its okay to not call yourself gay. You can identify however you want

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

thank you for responding it means a lot. i am just struggling so much right now. i am currently crying because these thoughts that i have make me feel like i don’t love my boyfriend anymore when i do. i don’t want to lose him because i love him so much and he has changed my life, but ever since being with him, the thoughts have gotten worse and they make me feel so awful

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Anthony Muntz it’s so sad when we question our love for our boyfriends/girlfriends. this is where most of the pain for me comes from. i still get the thoughts when i am with him and as much as they bother me, when i am with him it seems to bother me less. as soon as he leaves though, the thoughts consume me and i feel so unlike myself

RaeRae1105

Date posted: 4y

Are you publiclly out? Do people know you are with him? Maybe your anxious about others judgment?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

yes my parents and his parents and our friends know. i’m not ashamed of being with him i just am struggling to understand why the thoughts have gotten worse

RaeRae1105

Date posted: 4y

@anxious Okay i just wanted to make sure i understood. Im so sorry you are struggling. When this happens to me i try to leave notes for myself around my home to remind myself im okay and this is okay and i try very hard to reassure my mind that im happy when it wants to make me feel otherwise

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@RaeRae1105 thank you for that. i have been trying to do affirmations but it’s hard sometimes

RaeRae1105

Date posted: 4y

@anxious It really is. You can always try to write it on your hand if you need it immediately. That helps me sometimes

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond