i was on vacation with my family for the last few days and i didn’t really have too many bad thoughts and i felt like i was doing okay. now that i’m back home my rocd is in full effect and i felt like i wasn’t excited enough to see my boyfriend when i first saw him or that i didn’t miss him while i was gone. my feelings feel so numb and i don’t know what to do but i cry at the thought of not being with him. i’m also scared that maybe im just scared of hurting him and that’s the only reason i’m staying but i also know if we did break up i would be really upset. it’s all so confusing in my head and i don’t even feel much anxiety anymore with the thoughts because they’re so constant. i kinda just needed to vent so anyone who read thank you very much. i don’t know what to do.

also we’ve been together for about 2 and a half years and sometimes i feel a weird sensation of not knowing him somehow and that he’s a stranger which is very triggering. i’m scared he’s not the same as when we started dating and that means maybe i love him less because it’s been so long and my brain says “i don’t know him”. i can’t even explain the thought or the sensation because it’s so weird and makes absolutely no sense. this is so hard

i don’t want to give you reassurance but i have these same thoughts and feelings. it’s very helpful to know we aren’t alone. advice i will give you is once you start labeling these thoughts and feelings as what they are (ocd) then it begins to get easier. and the thing about not knowing him i literally get the same feeling. it is so hard and rocd sucks so bad but you’re not alone.

I am literally in the same exact boat! My bf and I are long distance and ever since he left to go back home after our most recent trip, I've been feeling numb and it's been bothering me because when I get like this, I feel like it's affecting my relationship and makes me believe that I'm losing feelings. These types of things tend to come in phases though, at least for me they do. I just have to remind myself of how I feel when I'm with him and all the things he does for me that made me fall for him in the first place. My bf and I have been dating for almost 10 months and I've definitely created some rough patches with my ROCD and insecurities, but I think if you find the right person to talk to, like I hope your bf is for you, then they can hear you out and help you through whatever you're feeling without getting mad or upset.