How do you deal with contamination OCD that is centered around your own bodily fluids? It is weird but I worry about coming into contact with any of my own vaginal discharge or blood. I have specific rituals where I only change my underwear and pants in the bathroom and then wash my legs afterwards. I wash my hands like 10 times up to the elbows after using the toilet. I also disinfect after I use the toilet. I hate this and it makes no sense to me but I can't help but do it.

Lol we are indeed opposites. I am super cautious about my underwear touching my body after I take it off. To the point where I shower or wash my legs after changing it. It is super annoying but the anxiety is insane unless I do it.

@Nora7 It’s hard but it will only restrict more. Sometimes I wonder am I even worried about this or is it habit? The best thing you can do is delay. And then delay more. Ocd is a “now” disease. It wants what it wants now. But sometimes if you walk away and tell it you’ll do it in a bit you will find the anxiety is manageable. Not for everything but it’s a start.

For the longest time I worried I had a disease that I could transmit via sexual fluids. I have since realized those were foolish thoughts and probably some form of hypochondriac OCD, but the compulsions I developed during that time have stuck with me, despite the original fear fading. Problem is, it has been years. A good 3 years of doing compulsions and it's so ingrained in me I have completely lost sense of how regular people use the toilet and change their underwear. It is too embarrassing to speak to family & friends about. I mean how would I even phrase that? So it's a tricky situation but I want to do better. I feel like my life has been stagnant for all those years.

@Nora7 I'm sorry. 💞 I've had similar thoughts of being afraid I could transmit Lyme's disease to others by sharing the same shower (during my period), etc. I had a roommate who dies by suicide and I became convinced I had infected her with Lyme disease and then she couldn't sleep/had similar symptoms as me and died as a result. It was awful. ☹

@Being Human * died

@Being Human I want to say firstly that I'm so sorry you went through that with your roommate. You could never have caused that horrible tragedy. I hope your roommate rests in eternal peace. I am thankful you shared that with me. Coincidentally that illness I alluded to in my earlier post was also, in fact, lyme disease. I had a bunch of strange symptoms in early 2018, went online and did some self diagnosis. I even paid out of pocket for an expensive test, while I was struggling with money, only for that test to come back ambigious, which didnt reassure me like I was hoping. Anyways, like you, I would fret over contaminating anyone else. The online lyme forums were crazy; they would tell you it was in your saliva, sweat, blood, sexual fluids etc. They would claim it spreads easily in those fluids. I became downright paranoid and had severe panic attacks daily wondering if I had inadvertently poisoned my family. I would throw away utensils I used and would avoid touching anyone. It was insane to live like that. Over time, those symptoms completely disappeared and I am 100% healthy (physically). I have slowly forced myself to be okay with other bodily fluids, like saliva, but I cannot shake the idea that my vaginal secretions are especially dangerous. Periods are a nightmare, I often spend an hour in the bathroom changing my protection with the utmost care to prevent any blood from touching my pants or the toilet/floor. Naturally I would change several times a day, so this means several hours a day wasted in the bathroom. I understand I have to be okay with the uncertainty but I feel like the stakes are too high. Just the thought of not being super cautious, like I have been all these years, makes me feel dizzy.

@Nora7 Thank you for your kind words. Ugh, Lyme forums can be the worst!! I got the idea I could spread it easily to others from a Lyme email list. It was awhile ago now but I felt really afraid of transmitting it for awhile. Someone I shared a shower with also got Alzheimer's disease. And I thought I gave that to him too. I even told his wife my fears, but she reassures me I didn't. Then I was afraid I'd get the rest of my family sick and they'd all die too. It truly was a nightmare. I still have to be careful about reading people's posts in a Lyme FB group I'm in. Even though I got treated for Lyme and had a negative test (I still worry at times it might not really be gone and might come back.) I'm so glad you have made progress and are now feeling healthy (physically). May I ask what it is that you fear will happen if blood touches your pants or the toilet/floor? I still have contamination fears but they have mostly switched to myself now rather than others (I'm living alone now). And it's like a feeling of impending doom if I don't wash my hands after touching something "dirty" (currently for me right now, under my nose or near my earrings or anywhere near my private area or my feet). It can be after I've just taken a shower and I'm completely clean. I can absentmindedly brush my hand against or scratch one of those areas and then I feel I need to get up and wash my hands. I also have obsessional thoughts when doing my laundry. Having to wash my hands if I touch anything (closet door, light switches, washer/dryer door) before I touch my clean clothes. I feel extremely uncomfortable about not following my "rules" or urges. But honestly nothing bad is actually going to happen if I don't wash my hands. I have a fear of being contaminated somehow and feel the need to keep my hands and clothes and bed clean. But really I only need my hands to be clean if I'm eating with them. So sometimes reminding myself of that helps. That even if my bed or clothes or hands get "dirty"/"infected" that I'll be ok because it's not actually going into my body. I don't know if this helps or not. I just share it so you know you're not alone. I have these "rules" and routines too, that take up time and are different than the way others act. They don't make logical sense but they feel super important. It feels *really* uncomfortable to break them. But I do believe that's the way to change our brains and get through it.

@Being Human * reassured