I struggle so much with my past, particularly the way I behaved and the people I associated with towards the end of high school. I know that as a kid, and I was under 18 at the time, we all make poor decisions or do things that are wrong. I can’t stop ruminating though, and have a hard time letting go of the past. I know concretely, that who I was back then, is NOT at all who I am now and that I am in all honesty, disgusted by my past mistakes. Does anyone else deal with real event OCD and struggle with rumination? Especially feeling like they don’t deserve happiness or love because of their past?

Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it. I am just having a hard time because I know we ALL have a past, some more grave than others. It was only one year of my life, when I was 17, where I was doing things and acting in ways beyond my character. I hung around people, whom I knew weren’t good people and were known for doing bad things, yet I still hung with them because I craved feeling approval and validation, as I come from an abusive household and any attention I could received I latched onto it like a leech. It’s just tough, and I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to stop hanging around those people, specifically particular guys.