Hello all! I hope you’re all doing well! I’ve been battling this thing for about 2 months… SOCD that is… I want to literally defeat and conquer this thing and go back to how life was prior, I swear at times it’s like the compulsions just suck so bad… like the compulsions in trying not to look at another man, and then again at times I hear people say “It’s okay if you look at another dude like that you’re still straight!” Like no I shouldn’t be looking at them like that at all… But at times I have to check down there and when I do it’s not like it’s moving from an erection but more so from uncomfortability… I tell myself and know damn well that I would never have sex with another man… just me saying it disgusts me to be honest… but sleeping next to, loving… NOPE, that’s just not me one bit, but then intrusive thoughts kick in and I’m taught to let the thoughts pass by and when I do then I start thinking to myself… wait if I’m okay with these thoughts does that make me gay? And using these words I promise you all it just feels like… not me… feels as if I’m a prisoner inside my own body asking to let this entity to be free from me… It all started at work (I worked at American Eagle and actually today was my last day due to me having to move into my apartment) when I was posting for an ambassador program and my manager(who happens to be a guy) slid up on my post w heart eyes and I replied with a comment that related to the store clothing because I assumed he was referring to that… but still I had to approach him about it because it made me entirely uncomfortable… and then I realized how many of the men that worked with carry themselves very flamboyant in terms of speech, walk, etc. The intrusive thoughts have gotten worst like whenever I lay down for bed it’s like what if I was laying here with another man? I don’t want this to be the case at all… never was into men and I don’t plan on being… But one thing that helps is looking in the mirror at times and seeing that I don’t carry myself like that all & at times whenever I’m in my head I just realize what I look like to others and it helps tell me that this is all in my head lol… All in all, this has caused me to push away a good friend of mine who happens to be gay because of the false perception that I thought he was coming onto me, feel like it clouds my perception in the sense of judgement, and it’s influenced me to invest more into taking women out on dates. At the end of the day I want to be with a WOMEN. Another thing to(swear last and final thing haha) is that at times I watch how friendly I am towards males and females, like how to act with males because I don’t want to act too flamboyant or give off the wrong vibe that I may be gay or something(because like I said this isn’t the case) or even with women it’s like I don’t want to be too friendly because I don’t want to be associated as being a women’s gay best friend because that’s not the case… you know prior I’ve been told that I’ve always been a very outgoing person and just a bright light of energy, people will feel welcomed to approach me but now it’s like I’m watching over my shoulder with this OCD. I want to respect and acknowledge people but do not want to be associated with being gay because at my core… I know damn well having sex with another male IS NOT an option AT ALL lmao. But curious to you, what do you believe to be the source to you all’s SOCD?

I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

I was wondering if this also happened to anyone. I grew up very open-minded and allowed myself to question my sexuality when I was younger. I explored feelings for both genders and attraction to them from afar, because I didn't have any friends or experiences to guide me through them. When I started dating, I was open to both but slowly and surely naturally phased out women. It always felt performative, like pretending to be upset they didn't respond, choosing who to be attracted to, and while present with them, wanting to back away or feeling a level of discomfort. When my SO-OCD started, these experiences made it very difficult to navigate the anxieties and intrusive thoughts. My thoughts often circled back to the idea that if I wasn't attracted to women, I wouldn't have tried to in the first place. This type of thought is like a Catch-22. On one hand, I am surveying my past actions or memories for any signs of true attraction or trying to pick at moments where I could prove that I was actually uncomfortable. On the other hand, the thought of being uncomfortable with a moment is tainted in my brain because of the idea that I could just be in denial. Any emotion I've ever had gets scrutinized in hindsight, making it feel like any way in which I feel is wrong. SO-OCD has been particularly difficult because of the fact that I've never been pejorative towards being queer or the LGBTQ+ community. It goes against my own values whether or not I am actually queer or actually straight. I remember growing up in an environment (whether school, family, or friends) that was always lined with prejudice towards any type of outsider - OCD makes me feel ashamed for my own want to understand any group or background different from my own. Essentially, I wanted to know if that's also something that plagues others with SO-OCD. For me, no matter what side of the fence I fall on my OCD rewrites it as bad: Either I'm in denial and lying to everyone even though they already secretly know, or I'm a homophobe. Sometimes they even mix. It doesn't make any sense.