I’ve definitely had seasons when I am doing better and moments of clarity interspersed throughout. Try to remember those times as hope for the future. I believe God is good and can be depended on. With Harm OCD, that is something that can be targeted with exposure therapy, and you will find that your fears don’t come true. Then freedom can rush in; hold onto it.
I’ve had moments of the clouds parting and feeling ‘normal’ over the years, but I’ve been dealing with it for 10 years and it hasn’t gone away completely. Zoloft kicked it completely for about 5 years, it was great. But it came back again postpartum with my daughter, then again with the second, and again now in my divorce. I’m in it with you 💕 hoping some ERT is the key I’ve never tried before.