- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I completely understand. I'm sorry to hear about your parents and your trauma, that's a whole new problem that I'm not equipped to handle, but I know exactly the feelings you are feeling right now. It's easy to go thunk about all of the things that you've done in the past and think they define you, but they absolutely don't. Humans are naturally morbidly curious and daddy/little girl fetishes isn't even something I would define as morbid, it's a popular fetish and from the sounds of it you're not even into it. I had looked up things out of curiosity before and when the pocd first became a real problem thinking back to my curios searches really messed me up, but I've since gotten over that, and you can too. It's ok to be curios and to have seen things. I know it's hard to think that you didn't actually want to see it, or like it, or anything like that but that's exactly what the ocd does. I've been in your boat before with the suicidal thoughts, but even though I'm sure you've heard this before, it does get better I promise. Even if it doesn't seem like it ever will or that it's even something that can be possibly overcome.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much for understanding and helping me. I feel so in the dark about this. I’m just scared that the ddlg fetish is really wrong and I have nothing to do with it I was a teenager then I had no idea what I was doing at the time would harm me now if that makes sense. I’m scared that I’ve done something terribly wrong and it defines me but like you said it doesn’t I was just a stupid teen who didn’t know any better. There’s another weird fetish that I’ve come across too I don’t think I was ever into it I always thought it was weird I don’t think it’s the same as the one I mentioned. It had nothing to do with actual children I would of never gotten into that I’m just scared what if I did and does that mean I’m a p word? I don’t want to be a monster I hope I never was. I just feel like ocd is really hurting me right now
- Date posted
- 4y
Masturbation had a lot to do with it too. I’m so ashamed but I was just a teenager then ya know? My ocd is trying to convince me I can never forgive myself and I’m too wrong to be forgiven. I just hope I can get better. I pray that I never did anything extremely wrong. It’s just not who I want to be at all
- Date posted
- 4y
Comment deleted by user
- Date posted
- 4y
I just worry that what I did as a teenager which I don’t know if it was extremely wrong or not my ocd is telling me it is. I feel like a disgusting person but then again I would never do it again and I didn’t even know back then what I was doing could of been wrong I’m not trying to make excuses or anything but it just worries me. I’m not a monster and I refuse to be but what if my past makes me one?
- Date posted
- 4y
Due to your past train, you should look into a Trina therapist/specialist.
- Date posted
- 4y
Trauma* ugh my phone…
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you. My therapist might help me find a trauma therapist in the fall I don’t know yet
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
*tmi warning* I'm so worried im a P. Ive been crying daily unable to do anything else but ruminate over my real events. When i was 14 (before ocd) i was watching adult content and it was censored. The woman had similar features like hair and skin color as my niece. I remember noticing that and saying "huh i guess I'll imagine that as the adult version of my niece" and I did and after i was finished i moved on and didnt think anything was wrong. I dont know if i ever thought about that again? Its so blurry ocd keeps saying i did it again in a different time but i dont remember its too blurry and its scaring me so badly! I didnt even remember this till like literally last week and i wanted to die! Im 20 for context. When I remembered i immediately broke down in tears. I vaguely rmemeber this other thought i had of her when self pleasuring when I was 16??? I think it was a testing thought out of distress? But im not sure at all! It was extremely vague image and unrealistic i dont think I liked it but maybe i did?! Im so distressed its like i remmeber 2 versions of this particular event which is why I think its ocd false memories from there. Ive been ruminating and spiraling for almost a week. I keep crying i havent ate well at all in days ive been honestly dehydrating myself and i cannot sleep. I feel like a monster. I did the mistake of researching last night and kept comparing myself to the "criteria" of those sickos and like I felt so distressed. I also have been asking ai for hours on end everyday. I feel so distressed im literally crying rn as i write this i cant calm down i feel like this sick individual even tho I dont even like thinking of that at all i dont think I meant ill intent when i was a teen but its killing me inside. I would NEVER harm anyone nor want to or plan to, deep down i know I would never act out in those evil ways but like whats killing me is what if im attracted?! Is this a sign?! Am i one of those people?! Am i attracted to my niece bc of those 2 maybe even 3(??)thoughts years ago?! Did i mean ill intent?! Am I an actual danger?! Am I a monster??? I have so many urges to confess to my mom im so scared what this all means or could mean. I feel so alone and scared. Like legit whenever i get intrusive thoughts about gross stuff i feel disgusted and anxious and push it away. Those thoughts do not bring me pleasure whatsoever but this real event is making me doubt my own identity 😔
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 13w
*PLEASE READ* *any help appreciated* So I work with kids and it’s a lightning rod for triggering my POCD. I work with a mental health org that supports kids with autism and other intellectual development disorders. And so I’ve grown really close with one kid since I started since I was his first ever staff and he was the first ever kid I worked with. I’ve grown really protective of him and we’ve become really close and our relationship truly means the world to me. But before I get into my little incident, I have to provide context: so I am hypersexual and struggle with compulsive masturbation and my urges are almost uncontrollable sometimes. I have a lot of trauma from foot fetish stuff/pornography as a kid and it’s carried on into my adult life unfortunately. And so as I was waking up my kid and trying to get him out of bed to get him into the shower (I usually give him a few extra minutes but if he’s uncooperative I have to pull him out of bed gently) and so I just shift him by his legs bc it’s easiest. And my urges and thoughts have been so bad lately and when he wasn’t cooperating, as I was shifting his legs today, his foot touched my private area and I carried on normally but now I feel like a monster and everything I fear. I need some advice bc I’m scared to even talk to my therapist about this bc I think I will go to jail. I don’t want to be like this and I hate POCD so much and I rlly care so much for this kid and would actually die for him to protect him. I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy bc idk if that contact between us was intentional or not and I have not spiraled like this for so long. I truly am losing my mind and want to give up bc I know I am not the person my POCD tells me I am but now I feel like I am everything it calls me. I feel so ashamed and repulsed and disgusted in myself and wish I didn’t exist. I feel like I’ve exploited my kid and taken advantage of him and that I don’t deserve to have him in my life and that I don’t even deserve to life and would be better off in jail or dead. im so broken and I’m sorry if what im saying is confusing
- Real Events OCD
- Relationship OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- POCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
- BIPOC with OCD
- Students with OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 7w
Hi my names Abby and i’m 16 years old. (I am undiagnosed) Everything that’s lead me and my therapist to potentially believe I have ocd has been the worst experience of my life so far. For my childhood and my teenage years up until I was 15, we’re really difficult. I was bullied a lot growing up and I had a lot of family dynamics that were really hard. (I have 2 siblings that were my half siblings, whom I have no relationship with anymore due to them being much older than me and them disliking my parents for many reasons) but I always felt super alone growing up. I was always told growing up to “stop” or to “shut up” from them and sometimes “stop” from my parents because I was very energetic and excited all the time. So I learned to stay quiet a lot. I was exposed to a lot of gore/pornographic material around age 7-8, which I realize now lead me to have sexual experiences at a young age with females the same gender as me when I was very young. I started masturbating when I was super young. I find that I have forgotten most of my childhood, but sometimes random memories come up in my mind and I remember, or I dream about them. I have very weird dreams that disturb me heavily. I am an INFP personality, and have always loved to help others and care. I love music/ art and guitar so heavily, and love writing poetry. My dream is to become a psychologist and help others whom struggle the same as me. I am very sensitive. I love reading. But recently the past 2 months I haven’t been writing or reading a lot, and when I do it feels inauthentic. The same with playing guitar. I don’t know what triggered this major change in my life, but it all started a few days after my boyfriend left on a trip with his family from the U.S (where we are) to travel across Europe for 3 weeks. He’s been back for about 2 months now but the whatever triggered is still the same. I’ve been dissociating heavily and my memory is terrible. Time passes by so quickly, and I don’t know why but I am now struggling every second of the day with these horrible harmful thoughts (mostly triggered by seeing weapons or example: say my eye is hurting really bad I imagine my eye popping out of my head) these horrible images, whether this be hurting my family or other people. When I first started having these thoughts I panicked and cried and had major panic attacks for weeks, but i’ve been dealing with them for so long now I become really numb and try to avoid going to places that have items of harm. I feel like i’ve lost my identity completely, and I don’t know who I am anymore, I just want to go back to who I was. I really need help. I’ve been worrying i’m a psychopath and that what if I actually desire to do those bad things? Even though I know i’d never ever do them. Please help me.
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