- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey there, first of all take a breath and remember you’re brave and you’re not your thoughts. I’m sorry to hear you were in what sounds like a very emotionally toxic friendship but we all have people and circumstances we are haunted by, it’s understandable. It’s important to remember with OCD of any kind it feeds off of fear, realistically what is the worst that can happen if your admit you’re lesbian? It’s nothing to be ashamed of and admitting it to yourself whether it be true or false with no judgement will calm the thoughts. Also for me sometimes it helps to appreciate sexuality is fluid, it’ll change and mould over time! I hope this helps a little bit, you can push through this xx
- Date posted
- 4y
ty! I’m just so scared. My OCD is telling me that the truth is that I had a crush on this girl and been a lesbian all my life. I don’t want this bc I feel like it threatens my identity but at the same time, it feel so real and it seems like the truth that I don’t want to accept. Do you this it is still HOCD?
- Date posted
- 4y
@strawberry ice cream I can tell how distressing it is for you right now, it’s upsetting when you feel like you can’t tell the difference between the HOCD and just your sexual orientation. I think you can tell the difference if you’re having lots of intrusive and anxious thoughts around being lesbian and searching for “proof” of your sexuality, not just this remembering ocd comes with compulsions, when you do start spiralling about being lesbian to you want to check your reactions towards gay relationships or avoid the same sex all together? I’m part of the lgbtq community and there are times when I spiral without anxiety about whether I’m being “true” to myself or that I need to pick one but also when I look back at memories which made me realise I was gay they make me feel a sense of pride and happiness and closure that I’ve never felt before. Anxiety is all natural and part of our responses to difficult things but if it’s too an extreme I’m sure you can bet it’s OCD. But I’m no doctor or therapist so please don’t rely on my words. Hope you’re okay xx
- Date posted
- 4y
@Bella Iep I realized that when I’m spiraling I do start to ruminate and do mental compulsions such as analyzing all my past friendships, my memories, my childhood. I also tend to search for reassurance that I’m not a lesbian and when I do find it, I feel a sence of relief and happiness. However this happiness doesn’t last much. I always try to analyze my reactions to gay relationships and, when I was in a worse state, I did avoided the same sex all together (I didn’t even want to go out bc of the fear of seeing someone of the same sex)
- Date posted
- 4y
@strawberry ice cream *did avoid (I’m sorry for the grammar mistake)
- Date posted
- 4y
@strawberry ice cream Well there you go, you’re clearly intuitive and able to recognise all the patterns of OCD. Instead of focusing on am I this and am I that, focus on reminding yourself that you’re okay and remove the fear presented through your sexuality- what’s the worst thing that would happen if you were lesbian, gay, straight. At the end of the day you’re just human, OCD can feel so trapping but remind yourself how brave you’re!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Bella What happens when the intense intrusive thoughts continue and compulsions but the anxiety subsides a lot
- Date posted
- 4y
I have the same theme and I did this in a lot of my friendships growing up and those are the main thoughts that are also haunting me right now. I realize that I’m just a people pleaser and that is most likely why I would suck up to my friends. I have to remind myself the “proof” I’m finding is disconnected from sexuality. Like why should I have to go through and analyze every bit of my childhood to find my sexuality? Of course my brain still doesn’t comprehend this and gets freaked out about what if I’m lying to myself and my future will be ruined and I’ll be unhappy. But there’s no way to know that so im just trying to do what makes me happy right now.
- Date posted
- 4y
Ahh I feel so relieved that I’m not the only one going through this. Lol it really doesn’t make sense to analyze my past to find out my sexuality. And I’m indeed a ppl pleaser but this OCD is sooo sticky
- Date posted
- 4y
@strawberry ice cream It totally is all my other ocd themes were in my childhood so they felt easier to get over because I had the memory of a goldfish anyway, so this one I had no skills on how to get over it until recently.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 12w
I think it‘s not SO-OCD anymore. Too many real evidences from the past. At the time i was 12 years old and i had a girl-bestfriend. I really thought she‘s beautiful my heart dropped when i saw her and i even said after a fight with her that i love her. Real evidences from my past. The same when i was 5 years old. My then girl bestfriend and me got into an argue and i went to my mom to tell her that we had a fight and that i love her so much. I don‘t know i just think that makes me a lesbian. Is there someone with same experiences as me? I‘m 29 years old and i would love to habe a relationship
- Date posted
- 7w
So I’m afraid that I have HOCD, but at the same time that I might also be homosexual. Is that possible? I have all the typical compulsions… checking for attraction, analyzing thoughts, analyzing the past, analyzing emotions, searching the internet. Is it really HOCD? When I see anything related to LGBT, I get strongly triggered. Sometimes I observe how my body reacts around people, but most often I check with ChatGPT to calm myself down, although it doesn’t last long—it depends. I also compare myself to other straight women who look like lesbians, or to lesbians who look like they’re straight. I had a phase where I was analyzing my body… whether I have too much hair, whether I have an Adam’s apple, whether I act like a lesbian without realizing it. I also have the typical intrusive thoughts like “did something from the past actually mean something, or is it a sign?” “am I just lying to myself?” “what if I’m in denial?” “what if I’ve ignored signs my whole life and lied to myself?” “what if I’ll never be able to fall in love with a guy?” “what if there are too many signs and proofs and it’s true?” “what if it’s not HOCD at all?” And much more. But now I’m scared that it’s both—that I have HOCD and that I’m homosexual. I’ve cried multiple times because of this and it’s been going on for 7 months. Some days are better, some are worse. And there’s so much ‘evidence’ that I won’t even list now—over these seven months I’ve found so many things from my past and dreams that I feel like there has to be something to it. I’ve also had around four panic attacks because of this. And I truly believe I have HOCD and that I’m also homosexual, which is killing me and it feels horrible. I just want to be sure that im straight and be at peace. When im doubting and thinking that im a lesbian i feel like im not at peace and i hate it. But u feel like i just need to accept it but i don’t want to and i just want to have a boyfriend, kids but im scared that it’s not possible for me because im lesbian and i actually just think that i want a boyfriend but in reality i don’t. Ughhhh help me.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond