i think i definitely have ROCD. i have a boyfriend and we have been together for 2 months and i see him every day. i want to move in with him. i dream about him every night. i am literally crazy about this guy - he is amazing and beautiful in every way. however i have so many doubts that i “actually truly love him”. what if i just like the idea of him? i’m not sure how to tell if it’s real or not. i am so proud that he’s my boyfriend. he’s everything i could ever ask for. i also worry about us breaking up constantly, even though everything is going pretty much perfectly as it can in a relationship. one of my friends highly disapproves of us, and constantly talks about “if you guys were to break up”. she says stuff like “you guys won’t date forever” and “when you break up..” and “be careful, he might only want you for the sex” and also “all men are assholes, it’ll definitely come to a point in your relationship where you’ll understand that” and i have a panic reaction every time she says these things because i feel like she’s gonna jinx it and that we WILL break up. i am still young. still in school. but i am certain that i wanna spend years and years with him. even the rest of my life if possible. but it’s hard to imagine us in the future. i feel like it would be impossible to love me for so long..? and i feel like i’m ridiculous for imagining such things like being together forever because everyone says it’s “impossible”. i have so many doubts and i’m so scared. i don’t want this to ever end. i don’t want to think about it. but every time we are together i have to check if i am feeling good or if i love the way he looks or if i’m truly in love with him. i even feel infected writing this because i don’t want to even utter the possibility of us breaking up. it’s horrible but i’m really really scared he knows how much i struggle with ocd so should i tell him!?

Relationship OCD

Maybe,MaybeNot

Date posted: 4y

Hey friend, it’s okay to have doubts. We all love with doubts. And you’re right, there is no way to know 100% that you will never break up or that you truly love him. And that’s ok. None of us know this, or anything else, with 100% certainty. You have to learn to sit with it. I would talk to a therapist about whether or not you should tell him.

OCDuser04

Date posted: 4y

thank you for your reply. <3 if i learnt anything from my experience of suffering 16 years with ocd is that no one can ever have 100% certainty about anything ever - and that is okay. i think i am dealing with this a lot better because i’ve been through this before (not exactly ROCD but still a subtype of pure O) and i know what to do and what not to

corinnenm

Date posted: 4y

This has literally been my experience for the past few months. It is SO hard. I’m so sorry you have to go through it. And the worst part is feeling like if you have doubts at all, then that means he’s not the one. Or that those thoughts taint the relationship. They don’t!!! They’re just thoughts. It sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your friend though. Set a boundary: “I have made a decision to be in a relationship with this person, and if you are unable to trust in my ability to made decisions and love me unconditionally, we cannot be friends” or if you still really want her as a friend “hey, stop talking negatively about my friendship! This isn’t a conversation I want to have with you.” She isn’t the reason you have ROCD but she’s certainly not helping. Best of luck <3

OCDuser04

Date posted: 4y

thank you for this. made me feel so much better. anything that i doubt is pointed at by my ocd

JazzCrab

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

That’s really uncool of your friend to say stuff like that… sounds like she’s projecting her own experiences onto you and that’s unfair. I have similar experiences in my new amazing relationship. Just enjoy it for what it is, and (I know it’s hard) but try to just focus on the time you’re enjoying together now instead of what may or may not happen eventually.

OCDuser04

Date posted: 4y

i hate looking into the future haha and yes my friend has been really horrible about it lately. it feels weird when she says these things

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