Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

18+ please I’m so aggravated because it seems like my ocd is trying to attach meaning to the littlest things that don’t even matter to try and find proof that I’m a bad person. I hate myself. When I was younger I had a I hate to say it it’s very embarrassing but a tickling fetish and what if when I would do that to someone did that make me a bad person? I know it’s a normal thing and at the time it was normal but what if wasn’t? What if it was wrong and I should hate myself for it? What if I had groinal response or worse? What if what if what if! I’m exhausted

POCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I want reassure you, or try not to because I'm always looking for reassurance. But, I know it's hard to deal with thoughts you think are apart of you and if your brain thinks they mean something it's actually up to you if they mean something or not. I know it may be hard to get that with ocd but we have to build a tolerance to our intrusive thoughts. Keep working with your therapist and learn to calm your thoughts because it feels like your logical side and your emotions are fighting sometimes. Or maybe that's just how I feel lol. But only you know what you want and if you don't want your brain to think something you tell it you might like it or you might not, it's up to you really.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

I know but I’m so scared what if I was aroused and that makes me a monster. I don’t want to be a monster

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Look, it's not the fact that you may have been one. That shouldn't matter. The fact that you're so scared right now probably proves that you weren't and aren't. People with ocd are valid, our emotions are everywhere. I suffered with pocd in the past and I didn't something drastic to find out if I was a P-word or not. I figured it out and I was relived I wasn't one of those monsters. I may have felt like one but I knew I wasn't and needed validation. But now I live with the guilt. What I'm saying is that you need to calm down and assess it. You don't want to be a monster right? Nothing from your past means you were a P.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

What do you mean you figured it out? You know for sure right? Like how I would never want to be one does that mean that I’ve figured it out?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

You basically have. You suffer from worrying about it. It's a good indicator that you won't ever be one of those P-words. Your brain won't let you. Intrusive thoughts are normal. I have them but I'm like "oh hey, that was weird but that doesn't mean I'm weird." Like everyone's brain does that. You aren't alone. My brain does it, I know my fiances brain does it. But we know what we want truly. And if you are suffering from those thoughts then I don't think you liked them.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

But they aren’t intrusive thoughts right? They are things that have happened. Like what I said in my post about the thing I used to have and what if I tickled my niece and got feelings from it. That was something that happened not an intrusive thought. So is the reaction the intrusive thought?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

The reaction IS the intrusive thought. You're saying what IF this gave me weird feelings when you were tickling her. That's not how you have to feel though.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

Oh ok. I’m just still worried is all I’m so sorry if I took up any of your time. Pocd is scary

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

Another problem I’m facing is do I need to confess to my mom? I feel this need to have to talk to her about everything and that drives me crazy too

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I felt the same way. Still do. But you keep saying what if you're monster? It's the what if that's scary. I hate the what if's in my own life because they do such. But everyone I've talked with said I shouldn't let that define the person I am now. The past does not exist to the person you are now. I believe anyone can change as long as they put their mind to it like right now in the present. You aren't a monster now and you with be I the future. And I don't care if you were a monster in the past or if you weren't. What matters is the now. That's what you should tell yourself. The present feeling is what's important.

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

I know but I can’t live with myself if I was a monster in the past. I don’t think I was I don’t remember if it was groinal response or worse but I do not I can’t change it and it’s driving me crazy and making me really sad. I don’t ever want to be a monster. Past present future whatever. I don’t ever want to be a bad person if you know what I mean. The p word. I can’t even stand to think about it. So I’m scared to death what if something in my past makes me one and I don’t know it. I’m scared

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

That's up to you. Would it help you to have her know your problems too?

Magzzz

Date posted: 4y

I have confessed a lot to my mom before and she’s not very understanding or supportive. She yells at me and makes me feel much worse. I’m just scared this isn’t something I can share I don’t know. I would talk to my therapist about it but she doesn’t help much either r

Anonymous

Date posted: 25w

Masterbation OCD/real event OCD

I'm 17 years old I struggle with addiction I have a problem when I masterbate I have intrusive thoughts idk if I think them I'm so scared also back then I know when I was younger I looked at obscure things hentai all that my idk what to do even I feel like I'm a monster or im a bad person I need help I feel so distraught I feel like I can't live life to the fullest anymore even from last year I looked at content that was animated but it had a character in it that was underage I felt so ashamed and felt like a monster I had a compulsion to check it only to find out they are not around my age range idk what to do I probably sound like a freak I'm sorry I'm always trying to replay my memory and try to remember my intention and what I was doing how I come across how I was doing a action yk all that

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Maybe it is OCD (please say anything)

I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.

Ocd is horri...

Date posted: 18w

Help I’m loosing hope

18+ TW! Involves sexual content I have learning disabilities which means im always going to be 3-5 years mentally behind from my actual age… when I was 14 I remember finding people saying they work with kids “attractive” and I remember mastu*** over a kid around 5+ but when I was 14 I was either mentally age 11 or 9. So I didn’t know it was wrong, and as soon as I realised I stopped. People say I was young and it’s okay but I remember finding people saying they even walked past a nursery “attractive” but I don’t know if this is even the right word. Maybe cute? Because I find different emotions hard to tell the difference between, so maybe it’s cute rather than attractive. I never ever had intentions to do anything to younger individuals, it was just me finding people saying they worked with them etc attractive… which my ocd now plays on, because my friend mentioned they were working with kids but idk if it was the real me or not but I genuinely felt like I found it attractive and it was giving my so many groinal responses which then made me feel genuinely aroused like I wanted to do things. This plays on my mind because my ocd will always say “but you did/do find stuff like this attractive” but this literally stops me from eating, sleeping or anything. I can’t break from my compultions because what if I do genuinely find it attractive. I don’t think it’s even attractive maybe it’s cute? Like I find it cute… but cuteness can give people feelings down there I guess. I think because if my learning disabilities I found it hard to know the difference between “attraction” and cute so I did stuff over it because it gave me that feeling down there but that could of been cuteness feeling. I just need some support on this.

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