- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Google is your worst enemy!!! Hahaha I know from experience
- Date posted
- 6y
I had this horrible pattern about 2 months ago.. I got in my worst state ever. I was doing ok with everything then I had a lot of stress happen.. found out I failed an exam, boyfriend and I broke up and I was in a foreign country alone. My HOCD went insane after I hadn't been spiked in almost 3 years. I was in my room for 3 weeks straight googling everything till I literally couldn't see anymore... yes.. it was a bad stage of my OCD. Anyways, I broke free of it by letting go and just accepting that yes I may be gay. I stopped googling. I started accepting the possibility, got on meds, went to therapy and I'm finally looking back now and seeing how irrational and altered my thoughts were. I can kind of tell now when its OCD because I was in a state of fear...when I'm calm and doing all the right things for OCD, I just let the thoughts be there and they don't bother me as much.
- Date posted
- 6y
Very good advice waterlady my number one compulsion was google when my ocd was severe, I could spend hours upon hours on it. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to recover!
- Date posted
- 6y
I mean.. I'm still not ? but slowly getting there - therapy, meds, exercise, eat right, social life and keeping busy. I try and read an OCD book every night and learn more about OCD and how the brain works versus trying to figure out the "truth". Sometimes I go through past events to show of any signs if I was "gay" and I think that's very bad because it's selective attention to past events... as in, if I'm searching, I could probably find evidence because in looking for it. Does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 6y
But waterlady when you did this 1) how long did you take to “feel normal” 2) what did you do to feel normal
- Date posted
- 6y
And when I slow down and really meditate on it - what is it that's really bothering me if I was gay? And I think it isn't that I secretly love the same sex and don't want to be gay cause of label... its more because I'm devastated to think that I won't ever be with a guy again... but when I'm stressed or in my OCD headspace - I just repeat the same question in my head - am I secretly gay? Haha OCD is... STRANGE.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah so how mine started was I was really stressed had exams and getting more money aspirations. Then I just started over pancaking I’ve secretly liked/been curious about tranny porn. But this started from normal porn years ago (26 now) I’ve never until recently questioned being gay like at all, and there’s nothing wrong with being gay I’m just not gay. But fetish weird porn to fufil my inner desires.
- Date posted
- 6y
But I think now I’m at a stage where I’m so anxious about myself that everything and anything is now an ocd I think it’s called pure o(cd) learned of this today
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve realised that I’m actually not gay but questioning myself due to fetish’s from porn and believe my issue is a combination of an addiction to porn orgasims and anxiety of wanting to be successful
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry for the essay but I’m only understanding my problem today and coming to terms with it and dealing with ways to beat HOCD which is really just a branch of PURE OCD
- Date posted
- 6y
And in regards to weird porn I even sometimes like feet, blowjob porn anything but normal porn sex I guess I’ve been hyper-sexualised by porn?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 21w
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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