Looked up articles about “how to if you’re gay” online as reassurance and now I’m convinced that I am. My poor S.O...I wish I just knew and didn’t have doubts

Google is your worst enemy!!! Hahaha I know from experience

I had this horrible pattern about 2 months ago.. I got in my worst state ever. I was doing ok with everything then I had a lot of stress happen.. found out I failed an exam, boyfriend and I broke up and I was in a foreign country alone. My HOCD went insane after I hadn't been spiked in almost 3 years. I was in my room for 3 weeks straight googling everything till I literally couldn't see anymore... yes.. it was a bad stage of my OCD. Anyways, I broke free of it by letting go and just accepting that yes I may be gay. I stopped googling. I started accepting the possibility, got on meds, went to therapy and I'm finally looking back now and seeing how irrational and altered my thoughts were. I can kind of tell now when its OCD because I was in a state of fear...when I'm calm and doing all the right things for OCD, I just let the thoughts be there and they don't bother me as much.

Very good advice waterlady my number one compulsion was google when my ocd was severe, I could spend hours upon hours on it. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to recover!

I mean.. I'm still not ? but slowly getting there - therapy, meds, exercise, eat right, social life and keeping busy. I try and read an OCD book every night and learn more about OCD and how the brain works versus trying to figure out the "truth". Sometimes I go through past events to show of any signs if I was "gay" and I think that's very bad because it's selective attention to past events... as in, if I'm searching, I could probably find evidence because in looking for it. Does that make sense?

But waterlady when you did this 1) how long did you take to “feel normal” 2) what did you do to feel normal

And when I slow down and really meditate on it - what is it that's really bothering me if I was gay? And I think it isn't that I secretly love the same sex and don't want to be gay cause of label... its more because I'm devastated to think that I won't ever be with a guy again... but when I'm stressed or in my OCD headspace - I just repeat the same question in my head - am I secretly gay? Haha OCD is... STRANGE.

Yeah so how mine started was I was really stressed had exams and getting more money aspirations. Then I just started over pancaking I’ve secretly liked/been curious about tranny porn. But this started from normal porn years ago (26 now) I’ve never until recently questioned being gay like at all, and there’s nothing wrong with being gay I’m just not gay. But fetish weird porn to fufil my inner desires.

But I think now I’m at a stage where I’m so anxious about myself that everything and anything is now an ocd I think it’s called pure o(cd) learned of this today

I’ve realised that I’m actually not gay but questioning myself due to fetish’s from porn and believe my issue is a combination of an addiction to porn orgasims and anxiety of wanting to be successful

Sorry for the essay but I’m only understanding my problem today and coming to terms with it and dealing with ways to beat HOCD which is really just a branch of PURE OCD

And in regards to weird porn I even sometimes like feet, blowjob porn anything but normal porn sex I guess I’ve been hyper-sexualised by porn?