- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Google is your worst enemy!!! Hahaha I know from experience
- Date posted
- 6y
I had this horrible pattern about 2 months ago.. I got in my worst state ever. I was doing ok with everything then I had a lot of stress happen.. found out I failed an exam, boyfriend and I broke up and I was in a foreign country alone. My HOCD went insane after I hadn't been spiked in almost 3 years. I was in my room for 3 weeks straight googling everything till I literally couldn't see anymore... yes.. it was a bad stage of my OCD. Anyways, I broke free of it by letting go and just accepting that yes I may be gay. I stopped googling. I started accepting the possibility, got on meds, went to therapy and I'm finally looking back now and seeing how irrational and altered my thoughts were. I can kind of tell now when its OCD because I was in a state of fear...when I'm calm and doing all the right things for OCD, I just let the thoughts be there and they don't bother me as much.
- Date posted
- 6y
Very good advice waterlady my number one compulsion was google when my ocd was severe, I could spend hours upon hours on it. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to recover!
- Date posted
- 6y
I mean.. I'm still not ? but slowly getting there - therapy, meds, exercise, eat right, social life and keeping busy. I try and read an OCD book every night and learn more about OCD and how the brain works versus trying to figure out the "truth". Sometimes I go through past events to show of any signs if I was "gay" and I think that's very bad because it's selective attention to past events... as in, if I'm searching, I could probably find evidence because in looking for it. Does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 6y
But waterlady when you did this 1) how long did you take to “feel normal” 2) what did you do to feel normal
- Date posted
- 6y
And when I slow down and really meditate on it - what is it that's really bothering me if I was gay? And I think it isn't that I secretly love the same sex and don't want to be gay cause of label... its more because I'm devastated to think that I won't ever be with a guy again... but when I'm stressed or in my OCD headspace - I just repeat the same question in my head - am I secretly gay? Haha OCD is... STRANGE.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah so how mine started was I was really stressed had exams and getting more money aspirations. Then I just started over pancaking I’ve secretly liked/been curious about tranny porn. But this started from normal porn years ago (26 now) I’ve never until recently questioned being gay like at all, and there’s nothing wrong with being gay I’m just not gay. But fetish weird porn to fufil my inner desires.
- Date posted
- 6y
But I think now I’m at a stage where I’m so anxious about myself that everything and anything is now an ocd I think it’s called pure o(cd) learned of this today
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve realised that I’m actually not gay but questioning myself due to fetish’s from porn and believe my issue is a combination of an addiction to porn orgasims and anxiety of wanting to be successful
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry for the essay but I’m only understanding my problem today and coming to terms with it and dealing with ways to beat HOCD which is really just a branch of PURE OCD
- Date posted
- 6y
And in regards to weird porn I even sometimes like feet, blowjob porn anything but normal porn sex I guess I’ve been hyper-sexualised by porn?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 9w
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?
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