- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Google is your worst enemy!!! Hahaha I know from experience
- Date posted
- 6y
I had this horrible pattern about 2 months ago.. I got in my worst state ever. I was doing ok with everything then I had a lot of stress happen.. found out I failed an exam, boyfriend and I broke up and I was in a foreign country alone. My HOCD went insane after I hadn't been spiked in almost 3 years. I was in my room for 3 weeks straight googling everything till I literally couldn't see anymore... yes.. it was a bad stage of my OCD. Anyways, I broke free of it by letting go and just accepting that yes I may be gay. I stopped googling. I started accepting the possibility, got on meds, went to therapy and I'm finally looking back now and seeing how irrational and altered my thoughts were. I can kind of tell now when its OCD because I was in a state of fear...when I'm calm and doing all the right things for OCD, I just let the thoughts be there and they don't bother me as much.
- Date posted
- 6y
Very good advice waterlady my number one compulsion was google when my ocd was severe, I could spend hours upon hours on it. Accepting uncertainty is the first step to recover!
- Date posted
- 6y
I mean.. I'm still not ? but slowly getting there - therapy, meds, exercise, eat right, social life and keeping busy. I try and read an OCD book every night and learn more about OCD and how the brain works versus trying to figure out the "truth". Sometimes I go through past events to show of any signs if I was "gay" and I think that's very bad because it's selective attention to past events... as in, if I'm searching, I could probably find evidence because in looking for it. Does that make sense?
- Date posted
- 6y
But waterlady when you did this 1) how long did you take to “feel normal” 2) what did you do to feel normal
- Date posted
- 6y
And when I slow down and really meditate on it - what is it that's really bothering me if I was gay? And I think it isn't that I secretly love the same sex and don't want to be gay cause of label... its more because I'm devastated to think that I won't ever be with a guy again... but when I'm stressed or in my OCD headspace - I just repeat the same question in my head - am I secretly gay? Haha OCD is... STRANGE.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah so how mine started was I was really stressed had exams and getting more money aspirations. Then I just started over pancaking I’ve secretly liked/been curious about tranny porn. But this started from normal porn years ago (26 now) I’ve never until recently questioned being gay like at all, and there’s nothing wrong with being gay I’m just not gay. But fetish weird porn to fufil my inner desires.
- Date posted
- 6y
But I think now I’m at a stage where I’m so anxious about myself that everything and anything is now an ocd I think it’s called pure o(cd) learned of this today
- Date posted
- 6y
I’ve realised that I’m actually not gay but questioning myself due to fetish’s from porn and believe my issue is a combination of an addiction to porn orgasims and anxiety of wanting to be successful
- Date posted
- 6y
Sorry for the essay but I’m only understanding my problem today and coming to terms with it and dealing with ways to beat HOCD which is really just a branch of PURE OCD
- Date posted
- 6y
And in regards to weird porn I even sometimes like feet, blowjob porn anything but normal porn sex I guess I’ve been hyper-sexualised by porn?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w
Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.
- Date posted
- 11w
I have a lot of trouble with my sexuality. I’ve been trying to figure out my sexuality for years. I’ve dated a man, and I wasn’t really into the whole time. And since then I’ve thought that maybe I’m a lesbian because I’m attracted to women, which I know for sure. But then my brain spirals, I constantly think back ti memories with my ex, how I felt with him, I check how it makes me feel. I often google to see if other lesbians have felt similar, I ask ChatGpt over and over again. I feel like I have to be 100% certain or that im faking for attention, or thst I’ll end up with a man. I guess im wondering has anyone else felt like this ? What’s been your experience how do you manage it?
- Date posted
- 10w
So I’m afraid that I have HOCD, but at the same time that I might also be homosexual. Is that possible? I have all the typical compulsions… checking for attraction, analyzing thoughts, analyzing the past, analyzing emotions, searching the internet. Is it really HOCD? When I see anything related to LGBT, I get strongly triggered. Sometimes I observe how my body reacts around people, but most often I check with ChatGPT to calm myself down, although it doesn’t last long—it depends. I also compare myself to other straight women who look like lesbians, or to lesbians who look like they’re straight. I had a phase where I was analyzing my body… whether I have too much hair, whether I have an Adam’s apple, whether I act like a lesbian without realizing it. I also have the typical intrusive thoughts like “did something from the past actually mean something, or is it a sign?” “am I just lying to myself?” “what if I’m in denial?” “what if I’ve ignored signs my whole life and lied to myself?” “what if I’ll never be able to fall in love with a guy?” “what if there are too many signs and proofs and it’s true?” “what if it’s not HOCD at all?” And much more. But now I’m scared that it’s both—that I have HOCD and that I’m homosexual. I’ve cried multiple times because of this and it’s been going on for 7 months. Some days are better, some are worse. And there’s so much ‘evidence’ that I won’t even list now—over these seven months I’ve found so many things from my past and dreams that I feel like there has to be something to it. I’ve also had around four panic attacks because of this. And I truly believe I have HOCD and that I’m also homosexual, which is killing me and it feels horrible. I just want to be sure that im straight and be at peace. When im doubting and thinking that im a lesbian i feel like im not at peace and i hate it. But u feel like i just need to accept it but i don’t want to and i just want to have a boyfriend, kids but im scared that it’s not possible for me because im lesbian and i actually just think that i want a boyfriend but in reality i don’t. Ughhhh help me.
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