Feels like i only like the idea of men and wont like a guy actually doing stuff to me:( And im scared i secretly like the thoughts and am just telling myself i find them disgusting when i really dont And i just dont want any of this but im so scared i do

I know me too :( I also feel like rn i would enjoy having sex with a girl and dont gind it gross even though i want to find it gross and dont want it & dont enjoy it (i think idek at this point) Do you feel this way too??

@hate_ocd.123 yesss!! all the time!! we're in this together and i am here for you anytime <3 if you want to vent please do go on

@Nour04 I dont even know what vent about im just so sad

@Nour04 And idek if im sad…im scared that im sad because im gay and i feel homophobic and like a lesbian and when i say thats not true i feel like im lying

@Nour04 And its just so complicated cause half the time idek how i feel. Like when i read things my mind just goes “you’re gay, its not hocd” and as im about to start treatment its saying i dont wanna get rid of the thoughts, and its making me scared to be attracted to guys again and not women, and i feel almost scared to move on from this and my mind goes “That’s because your gay and want the thoughts, but this is the only way you’ll accept them.” Do you experience all this too or am i just crazy?? Even now i feel like im lying and that im a lesbian and like the thoughts when i dont wanna :( I feel like this is comphet / internalized homophobia and i hate it I was doing SO much better than my brother had to go and fuck it up

@Nour04 And like i used to feel anxious around girls and my brother says thats attraction and ever since it feels like i actually like girls Like im so scared i like girls And i feel like as i admit it more and more its becoming more real And im so scared and depressed snd everything and im finding no joy in this I just wanna be attracted to men so badly and not get intrusive feelings of disgust when i think about one and feel comfortable w/ being uncomfortable w/ some of them & not have me thinking that makes me gay and vica versa with females i hate this:(

@Nour04 Im sorry too pester, but do you feel like all of this as well??

@hate_ocd.123 yes exactly i can relate to every tiny detail of this!!! i too sometimes don't want to get rid of the thoughts because it "proves" this is hocd and not denial. i have read your posts about what your brother had told you and i am so sorry someone so close to you had to invalidate you so bad. i understand how awful this is. comphet makes me so nauseous whenever i think of it because a lot of stuff applies and it terrifies me too what you're going through is valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise even if it's family and they're close. no one lives inside your mind 24/7 and no one knows what goes on inside of it as much as you. no one knows your real struggle to tell you what's going on with you, especially if they're not a professional. and most importantly, what your mind tells you is not you, and i see you for the beauty inside and if you're not able yo see that right now it's okay, just know that it still shows and that is awesome, because for someone struggling so much you still appear so strong and it's because you are and that's the real you!

@hate_ocd.123 and no you're not troubling me i am always here for you and i mean it

@hate_ocd.123 I feel the same 😔

@dylen i am so sorry about this. you're strong enough to tackle this because look how far you've come and you never gave up!

@Nour04 True, ty so much honestly you’ve aided a lot in recovery with your posts so I thank you a lot 😌

@dylen awhh that's so sweet of you glad i was able ttobe helpful!

@Nour04 Ofc, thank you aswell

@Nour04 I feel like im gonna be so sick. I feel like this is all true. Everything points to it being true. My brother fucked me up I want to cut him off so badly