The thoughts aren’t as loud and there’s not much anxiety but it’s like they’re permanently lodged in my brain which makes them seem more real. It feels like I have attractions to girls I see out in public or at my summer classes now, thinking of intimacy with my boyfriend still makes me feel scared and afraid that I’ll never enjoy it, I get thoughts about wanting things I don’t want every day and when I see the bisexual flag I feel like one day it’s going to be me having that flag. Yet I don’t feel the need to panic as much anymore, I don’t feel like I’m being disloyal to my boyfriend that much anymore, in fact at one point it felt like I was “forcing” myself to be attracted to him because I would do things with his pictures and imagine scenarios and write stories to prove I wanted him which honestly did arouse me! But I don’t feel the need to do that anymore because deep down I was doing it to prove to myself I’m attracted, I mean I still want those things from him but my sex drive is just dead right now honestly. I don’t want to do anything at all right now especially since it’s been long distance for so long. I’m so terrified that when he comes back I’ll “realize” I actually didn’t like anything like I feared. Sometimes I wasn’t really into pleasing him but only because 1.) I felt like I was doing something wrong. 2.) I felt self-conscious and focused too much on whether I was doing a good job. 3.) I get insecure about myself. I love him so much I really want us to have a physical connection but there’s just so much fears and anxiety around sex that I had even before this theme that it’s like ugh. It makes me not want to do anything. I’m just afraid that I’m forcing myself to be attracted to him, I want to love him sexually and emotionally and I don’t want to be one of those girls that are in love with their boyfriends but realize they have to leave him to have good sex with a woman. The idea of being with a woman still makes me so sad. It’s all wrong but there’s no anxiety anymore it’s just like if its true that I don’t want to have sex with a man than I Definitely don’t want to have it with a woman. I’m just really grieving the loss of who I used to be and I’m really terrified that I’m discovering this is who I was all along. Even if I’m forcing it I don’t care, I still want to be with my partner.

I've always found women pretty and admired them since I was younger, never wanted to be with them or anything. I always pictured having a boyfriend and my crushes were always boys. I have a boyfriend now but because this has happened I feel nothing towards him or any men. To be honest I'm so exhausted I don't feel much at all, there was so much anxiety at the start and now there is none. Does that mean I have accepted the thoughts. My mind keeps going you were suppressed all these years but I do find women pretty so that's what's making it worse. Am I just in denial and being delusional? I never doubted my sexuality before this I always considered myself to be straight but I feels like my mind has been twisted and can't remember any attraction to guys but can remember thinking girls are pretty? Does this mean it's all real? I don't know anymore

I feel sick to my stomach, a few days ago I knew I was straight and could picture my life with my bf again. The anxiety has really lessend and Im more depressed now. I'm 100% convinced I am lesbian even tho I have never had sexual attraction to women, found them pretty but never wanted to be with them. My mind is only picturing me being with women now and it feels like a pit in my stomach. I don't feel emotion now, I'm also on my period. I don't want to be lesbian. I want to be with my boyfriend and have the life I pictured with him. My memory is so dissorted right now. I don't think there's anything wrong with being lesbian, it's just not for me and now that makes me feel like I'm homophobic.

I’m like 90% sure I’m just bi, more romantically inclined to men, mainly my bf who I wanna marry. But now my brain is like “if you lean into liking women or keep circling and circling for answers you’ll lose all attraction to men and your bf. You’re practically already a lesbian” I feel so tense and anxious I will admit I am talking to chat gpt out of desperation I’m scared of losing all attraction to him I don’t wanna be thinking about women. I don’t unless I’m really stressed cuz when I’m stressed my ocd can take advantage of that I can usually ground myself when I’m in the city with him but I’m back home for most of the summer and I can’t be physically close to him which usually reminds me that hey this is real this is what I really want in life. Him But then I panic and question I haven’t been here in a while tbh. I’m worried I don’t feel enough. I don’t like magic Mike all that much, I like softer guys. But now the fact I don’t like/get turned on by random men on tv but do women in lingerie really stresses me out and makes me worry I’m truly a lesbian but I’m not. Once I started getting to know my bf and my ex bf’s I really did truly genuinely like them and wanted to make out and everything. Idk can anyone relate to the not liking big buff men All my brain is repeating rn is “when he dies you’ll be able to date a woman, when you break up you’ll only wanna date women” and it’s stressing me out. It’s making me nauseous. I was doing well for about a couple days after I initially left but being at home has been so incredibly draining This might give you a vision of how stressful home is: I’ve been on nexplanon for 7 months ish? Only had very minimal spotting during a stressful school period. Today: fully bleeding, like a usual period. I haven’t had my period since having it put in. I wanna go back to my bf so badly rn. I’m so worried I’m faking or don’t feel enough. I’m learning what a healthy relationship looks like and I’m terrified I’m gonna up and leave him when we’re older cuz I’ll finally figure out that I’m a lesbian or smthn. Idk. Someone pls just help me out a tad