Strange strange stuff this HOCD (if it even is real) One thought when I was high as a kite off edibles has turned my life upside down sucidial every single day would love to close my eyes and not wake up. I am certain in my own mind I love girls, even the smell of a girl can turn me on But for some crazy reason I can’t stop thinking if am gay this and that when deep down I really don’t think I am but why can’t I stop obsessing about it? I’ll be masterbating to lesbian porn, just regular porn and be really enjoying it but then out the blue I get a picture of a gay person I know and you would think if I was gay that would turn me on but it knocks me sick and just makes me not wanna masterbate at all, but why the f*** is that thought in my head then? So hard to understand something I can’t even understand my self, going threw the motions at the moment and literally don’t know how long I can last.