I am literally so worried and overwhelmed right now. I have no idea what the hell is going on with me. I woke up from a nap today and I had a terrible thought. The worst is that I felt like I was considering it. I thought of doing something terrible to my mom and my sister. And I think I CONSIDERED IT. What the actual freak!! 😭 I feel like I am a psychopath. That’s it. I feel like I’m a freaking psychopath and like I want to do all these things but I’m trying so so so so hard not to do it or for it not to happen. I am so freaked out because I feel like I will end up doing it sooner or later, at some point of my life. I don’t know how to escape it, I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ll get home and do all what my thoughts say. I feel like this evil side will take over me. I feel evil. And I don’t know how to escape it. I hate it, I flew all through the country to come to see my sister and I was so excited to see her, and now this horrible thing has ruined everything. I am terrified. Help, please.

I'm at my college and don't feel like being here. I didn't even want to come here. I woke up with anxiety bc i feel like i need to solve this. I had a bad stomach ache when i arrived to school and still havent even eaten breakfast yet bc i feel like i have to solve this. Im just so worried bc i have harm thoughts daily. If i could i would remove this! I dont want to think anymore. Its just, how do I know i dont have real urges when I'm feeling a negative emotion like anger or disappointment or annoyance? Im worried EVERY time i feel a negative emotion. Yesterday I was playing video games with my neice (we are close in age range) and she made us lose. She started blaming me and I guess i felt a little annoyed, it really wasnt my fault (dumb mini argument it was more playful since we started laughing but it was a bit annoying). Anyway i got a harm thought while feeling annoyed of me getting off the couch and lunging at her to attack. I immediately look at my bodily reaction and I tense up to stay as still as possible. My stomach was hurting and i wanted to leave as fast as possible. I stood up and turned off the game and said i was tired while making sure to stay back from her (and i had my hands away and stiff) but i felt so uneasy. I laid I bed and felt sad and heavy. And i kept getting thoughts that said "íts only a matter of time before you can't take it anymore". I started to reassurance seek using ai to ask if i was about to or if they are real urges or thoughts i mean until i eventually fell asleep in the middle of the compulsion. Im just so worried, what if I act out impulsevly one day? I dont want to! But what if when feeling a negative emotion, i suddenly dont care and do something? I really dont want to! I dont even want to feel negative emotions anymore since they trigger the thoughts and I dont want to think about any of that. As a result i tend to avoid my family as much as possible bc they are annoying sometimes. I just wish i was all alone sometimes so i wont get any more thoughts and so everyone can be safe. I usually just stay in bed under my blankets all day long to avoid my family and pets. I am constantly uncomfortable. I miss when i would never think any of this. Living life has become very scary for me now. 😞

i had thoughts of “planning” to harm my boyfriend. we have a trip coming up and my intrusive thoughts were telling me “nobody will know if you harm him all the way over there”, then my mind started rambling on like “everyone will know-“ and so on and so forth, it actually made me feel like i was contemplating on doing something and now it feels like im turning evil ): has anyone had thoughts like this?

Guys I feel a bit bothered. I fear I liked a thought bc my sister was showing me this video about a robbery and right before she was going to show me I was thinking "no... tsk this is not what I want to see. Dont think of anything." But i had to watch bc my sister was already playing the video. I tried to not pay as much attention. I hate watching videos that have stuff related to harm bc ocd loves to latch on. I got so many thoughts. But when I saw the person pull out a weapon and the cashier jump extremely high, I felt like laughing??? But not bc of what was going on but bc "why did he jump like that? It was so high! You know what? I would've jumped liked this too. That's scary!" And then I felt angry for the cashier bc why do evil people commit such things? How the heck? But ocd says i laughed bc I felt a sense of superiority and liked seeing people scared and want to feel a distorted sense of power. Like.. no? I knew I felt like laughing bc I didn't expect him to jump so high and I wanted to point it out but decided not to bc the video is serious, and it's not a movie. But I feel kinda guilty like why tf did I feel like laughing. I didn't even smile or actually laugh irl but it's bothering me. Then my sister showed me some other video and explained a specific weapon and I kept getting thoughts like "ohhh i want that! I wanna scare people too! I want to test the thoughts to double check if i actually like them" And it gave me an image of me doing something crazy like robbing a store as well! AND IT FELT REAL! I WASNT EVEN WANTING TO THINK THIS! Im worried this means its real or that i enjoyed the thought and fantasized, but at the same time ik im not actually interested nor do I have plans but what if I WANTED to for those few seconds?! Bc why did it FEEL like I enjoyed it??? I know I wouldn't, i dont have plans to nor do i want to think about making plans and I'm genuinely not interested but WHAT IF??? Did i enjoy this thought?! It felt like I wanted to bc I didn't immediately reject it like usual and for some reason felt "happy" (i didnt smile or anything but it FELT like i was happy???) Literally right after the thought came i was thinking to myself "OMG is that true?" And couldn't focus on anything else! How do I know I didnt genuinely enjoy and dont have some weird sense of power??? It's been bothering me so much, this happened a couple hours ago and I managed to fall asleep in the middle of my compulsion of mentally reviewing how I reacted to my thoughts.