- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you. I posted for the hope of everyone on here that their dead end can be FUCKING BROKEN
- Date posted
- 6y
@rb@2 your reading about someone who subconsciously built a no escape route to his “problem” and that problem destroyed his entire life and after he finally wanted a way out and had to hope that there was even such a thing...it happened...after a long time...but it happened ....it really did. when I say impossible I mean every value/possibility of suffering would work against me so I don’t get out of ...EVER (you know how scary that is)...but I hoped and worked slowly and prepared myself to come out of it OFFICIALLY. And here I am.
- Date posted
- 6y
But whatever theme your OCD is sometimes it’s okay to read about it through other psychological self help books too not only OCD focused. My problem was how much can I create or how much will this OCD theme destroy my life in terms of guilt shame and what I would be trapped in most (those 2 things)...so I bought a book as well on the subject of those two exact things...which once worked on lessens the impact of OCD because the OCD guilt and shame work off of social and general guilt and shame.
- Date posted
- 6y
Do not give up hope *****
- Date posted
- 6y
so happy for you. this makes me want to cry because i am realizing there is hope
- Date posted
- 6y
Constantly understanding my theme and suffering more and more - from the question of why? Why do I want to make myself feel this way? Why do I want to find no way out? Why am I scared of these thoughts...that slow analysis was a definitely a boost
- Date posted
- 6y
OCD will try and convince me it’s not working at times to trick me into going back. But going to keep focused now!
- Date posted
- 6y
Congrats! So happy for you!
- Date posted
- 6y
Awesome!
- Date posted
- 6y
This is also after good therapy and self help ocd books along with some other general ones. Boy was it a process but I (YOU) will get there because hey...here I am...writing about it.
- Date posted
- 6y
that makes me so happy to hear. so proud and happy for you
- Date posted
- 6y
what are the books called?
- Date posted
- 6y
So I first got one OCD book Then one book on “how to escape toxic guilt” which was what you can say my OCD theme way of torture - always working around right and wrong and guilt and shame.
- Date posted
- 6y
Now I am reading another “freedom from OCD” which is good too.
- Date posted
- 6y
im so glad, congrats!!!
- Date posted
- 6y
Amazing xxx
- Date posted
- 6y
What’s my theme if I keep thinking my children are dying?
- Date posted
- 6y
Congratulations ?
- Date posted
- 6y
Nice man!! Today is the first day in 2 months I have felt normal ish...I have felt like I couldn’t live anymore every day. ‘False Memories’ have been ruining me. But I’ve been trying something new and it’s been great so far!
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi John, congrats really, that‘s great!! I like your approach as well reading so much about your problem. May I ask what form of therapy you took?
- Date posted
- 6y
?????? ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi @jin I have been actually in normal therapy where she understands about my OCD but I was so deep into the stories and the theme that I needed to come to full acceptance of it ALL at this point no matter if it’s OCD air NOT OCD - there is still hope for a way out. Now this definitely helped and I’ve built such a personal relationship with her that I don’t want to ever stop attending sessions haha but I agree that OCD therapy should be first choice for most and I will still consider it to better improve myself in anyway and go through a more focused OCD therapy.
- Date posted
- 6y
@lewis hey man funny enough the false memories was the first theme I GOT OUT OF before another one hit me and made me create serious distance from the false memories theme that I was able to see so much clearer of the prison I was trapped in because I know that’s how it feels. My false memories was fucking horrid to the point where it was a god daym miracle I was suddenly able to get out and see it for what it is and promise myself I will never go there again. I’ll promise you this, the less time you spend trying to see if it’s false or real the better things will get for you. To fall in deep and proving yourself what happened or what could of happened is the first hole you will fall into. So if you’re deep enough already you must do everything you can to distance yourself from the story you obsess about and try your best to not doubt or prove it - step by step focusing on other activities and adjusting to reality “the now” Because whatever story that you are tapped in...one sudden moment of right now or checking back into reality will break the entire thing...believe me or not ...but this is true and if you work off that method and slowly start practicing that instead - putting yourself in the moment, putting yourself in the reality of WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW - your mind will realize what is real again.
- Date posted
- 6y
So what will save you is the freedom that you have to live the presence because that is the only reality. The more you do that the more your mind in the background can adjust to reality and start to give less value to whatever is “the past” real or imaginary as it does not matter because right here right now all has been good up to this point and you are safe and sound and the reality is you haven’t done anything bad.
- Date posted
- 6y
Yeah I’m starting to see that. My false memory’s went from about 20 of them to just this one. I’ve been dealing with it better the last two days. But it’s a ‘real event’ memory so it’s been hard to let go. I’ve been using Ali Greymonds advice and it’s been great so far!
- Date posted
- 6y
John, how long did it take for you to get over the false memories? (Not looking for reassurance) This one is sticking more than others. But is fading a bit the more I don’t pay attention
- Date posted
- 6y
With me I never did therapy or anything when it was happening...I suffered a few years until it kind of faded for a bit then another intense theme took over which took me out completely from the first one and gave me absolute clarity of holy shit where was i
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh right, these ones were/are so painful for me. They are so intense, make me feel like **** every day and I contemplated ending it. A bit better at the moment, it’s so hard. But when you don’t pay attention to it things seem clearer?! The mind is strange
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
People who went from a really bad time with OCD to a better time now. Is it really possible? What was your theme? Did you take medication?
- Date posted
- 25w
It’s been 4 years. 4 years since I spiralled into a world controlled by rituals of 4, it started as 2, then 3, then 4 - my safe number. The amount of times I wash my hands after touching something dirty and how many repeats it takes until I feel ‘clean’, the amount of taps I make when closing doors to make sure I don’t ‘die’, the amount of times I rinse cutlery and plates before eating off them, the amount of times I disinfect things. My OCD subtype is contamination and I know 2020 lockdowns and the pandemic caused it to spiral but what started as a small ritual quickly became bigger until I no longer remembered what my life was like without the obsessive thoughts of germs and contamination. Could that person be ill? What if I go outside to the shops and someone makes me sick? You can’t answer the door to get that package from the delivery driver because he might make you sick, oh you can’t put the shopping away without disinfecting it first - what if someone has coughed on it? ‘I’ve got to wear gloves to do that’ I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. For 4 years I’ve lived like this, the ‘I don’t want to touch that’ or ‘I can’t go to this place because I don’t want to get ill and die’ ‘can you go do that for me as I don’t think I can right now’ - I know my OCD is irrational, I know the likelihood of those things actually happening are slim to none and I know my OCD stems from a need of control in my life because for so many years I felt like everything in my life was out of my control. But no matter how much I know of how many books I read, how many mindful practices I do the panic I feel after being ‘exposed’ or before exposing myself to a trigger is horrible. I’ve avoided and avoided and avoided to the point where something small now seems and feels like an impossible mountain to climb. It often feels like there isn’t light at the end of the tunnel on the dark days, when I know there is, it’s just going to take some time. Despite this on the outside to those not in my circle my life is a whole picture perfect painting. I run my own business, have a nice car, a nice house, a happy relationship and the of best friends and I’m so grateful for all those things but the reality is much different - behind closed doors and hidden in the closest is the OCD monster. I’ve decided now, after 4 years it’s time to change. I’m breaking the cycle and starting anew. The irony that 4 is my safe number too and it’s been 4 years since things started to get dark. I’m ready to lose control and find myself again. Why am I writing this? Honestly, I really don’t know. I found this app recently and hope it can be a help for my ERP practices I’ve been practicing on my own and it’s actually the first time I’ve ever openly posted or spoken about my OCD to date. For years I have lived with a huge amount of shame and embarrassment, hiding my issues from everyone - even my closest friends have no idea how much it impacts my day to day. I’ve felt shame as I can’t control my own mind despite knowing the thoughts are irrational and the rituals only provide temporary relief but each day again and again the safety blanket of the rituals wraps me up and takes over. The only person who truly knows how much it affects me is my partner, who has been by my side through it all, he’s burnt out and has seen first hand the impact it has had on me, my life and my happiness. I’ve sheltered him as much as I can, but I’m sure those who are in relationships with OCD can relate to the burnout their partner feels day in day out. So that’s my story, I hope those going through similar can take comfort in this and know they aren’t alone in it all as my OCD has made me feel so incredibly lonely, isolated and empty for 4 years too long. It feels freeing to finally share my monster and I hope I can connect with others who are on a similar journey to me. The biggest thing I want to be able to do again? I want to be able to hug my loved ones without feeling triggered, I want to go outside and enjoy life without worry, I want to live again. This app has made me feel seen for the first time in a long time and reading your stories, your experiences and how you’re coping is comforting, encouraging and makes me feel less alone ❤️ thank you for reading x
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 23w
December 14, 2024, marked two years since my first ERP therapy session with my NOCD therapist, Mixi. And October 2024 marked a year of being free from OCD. It was not an easy journey, confronting my fears face to face. Exposing myself to the images and thoughts my brain kept throwing at me, accepting that I might be the worst mother, that my daughter wouldn’t love me, and that I deserved to be considered a bad person. It was challenging having to say, “Yes, I am those things,” feeling the desire to run, but realizing the thoughts followed me. At the start of my therapy, I remember feeling like I couldn’t do this anymore. Life felt unbearable, and I felt so weak. I longed for a time before the OCD, before the flare-ups, before the anxiety, the daily panic attacks. I thought I’d never be myself again. But I now know that ERP saved my life. The first couple of sessions were tough. I wasn’t fully present. I lied to my therapist about what my actual thoughts were, fearing judgment. I pretended that the exposures were working, but when the sessions ended, I went back to not sleeping, constantly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. But my therapist never judged me. She made me feel safe to be honest with her. She understood OCD and never faltered in supporting me, even when I admitted I had been lying and still continued my compulsions. My biggest milestone in therapy was being 100% transparent with my therapist. That was when real change began. At first, I started small—simply reading the words that terrified me: "bad mom," "hated," "unloved." Then, I worked on listening to those words while doing dishes—not completely stopping my rumination, but noticing it. Just 15 minutes, my therapist said. It wasn’t easy. At one point, I found myself thinking, “Will I ever feel like myself again?” But I kept pushing through. Slowly, I built tolerance and moved to face-to-face exposures—sitting alone with my daughter, leaning into the thought that my siblings might die, reading articles about my worst fears, and calling myself the things I feared. Each session was challenging, but with time, the thoughts started to lose their grip. By my eleventh session, I started to realize: OCD was here, and it wasn’t going away, but I could keep living my life despite it. I didn’t need to wait for it to be quiet or go away to move on. Slowly, it began to quiet down, and I started to feel like myself again. In fact, I am not my old self anymore—I’m a better version. OCD hasn’t completely disappeared, but it’s quieter now. Most of the time, it doesn’t speak, and when it does, I know how to handle it. The last session with my therapist was emotional. I cried because I was finishing therapy. I remember how, in the beginning, I cried because I thought it was just starting—because I was overwhelmed and terrified. But at the end, I cried because I was sad it was ending. It felt like I had come so far, and part of me wasn’t ready to say goodbye, even though I had already learned so much. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew I was walking away stronger, equipped with the tools to handle OCD on my own. If I could change anything about my journey, it would be being open and honest from the beginning. It was the key to finding true healing. The transparency, the honesty—it opened the door to lasting change. I’m no longer that person who was stuck in constant panic. I’m someone who has fought and survived, and while OCD still appears from time to time, I know it doesn’t define me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Have you started therapy, is something holding you back? Is there something you want to know about ERP therapy? I'll be live in the app answering each and every one today from 6-7pm EST. Please drop them below!
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