Hi any one have magical thinking is it go away

I guess you can say I’ve been maladaptive day dreaming. I never had a good childhood I would go to sleep and pray I never woke up around the age up 10 I found daydreaming as a way to cope with the trauma and I’ve been daydreaming since, I still do it now. I always think im gonna meet the love of my life and they would love me for me and accept my ocd and make me feel beautiful and I’ll be rich ( I didn’t grow up with money). But then I would have to come to a realization that I’m not getting better, I’m still insecure with trauma. No friends or family to know what I’m going through and it’s hard wanting a reality you can’t have.

So I had a panic attack a while ago to “kill mom” and I forgot about the thought until a few days later. When it came back I was mentally drained and it lasted for 2 months or more. It eventually went away but it is back. I get other intrusive thoughts but they go away after a hour or so. Why am I stressing over “kill mom” so much. I just get irritated that it won’t go away. I’m beginning to think it’s a different mental illness maybe just anxiety? I’m not sure to be honest. It just appears and sits there and I feel like I’m doomed and a pyscho and worry that I’ll never forget the thought.

Hi everyone sometimes when I try to do something or do something my ocd tells me if I post a certain things or wear certain clothes that that some people in my life won't talk to me or distance themselves away from And I know it's sound crazy, but I feel like it's real what should I do I don't know how to fight it or stop I've been like this since I was 13 I went to therapy and iam taking my medicine but still those thoughts won't stop I don't know how to deal with it